An Unlikely Krewe
by Derpy Pines
Summary: Hope you enjoy! This is my first fanfic, so it's not perfect. Criticism/Reviews are appreciated. Note: my ocs all have very lore unfriendly names. (Ok, they all reference my little pony. But if you're not a fan of mlp, don't worry, no candy colored horses here.) I'm going to try to give them alternative lore accurate names and reasons they avoid using them. Art belongs to Chyana.
1. Chapter 1

An Unlikely Krewe pt1

Derpy was unlike anything ever seen in the Rata Sum. The young engineer rode in on the back of a enormous battle scared charr from the blood legions. Her attire obviously was not designed for an asura either, having slits cut for her long ears and stitches at random places. Her light purple eyes shone with charr-like ferocity.

Of course the peacemakers had to take custody over the two before they caused any chaos. An older asura asked them to put down their weapons, and a group of armed asura showed it was more of command then a request. The two complied, but not whiteout a snicker from the charr.

"Do you find something humorous?" The lead peacemaker asked, glaring. "You're all so adorable with those widdle guns!" The charr announced before going into a mixture of choking, coughing and hysterical laughter. "Follow me" he said coldly, and when they hesitated he grew angry. "Now!" They followed, the charr having to duck as he led them deeper into the strange cube. Derpy didn't even know what to feel, what think. For the first time in her whole life, she was among her own species.

The strange blue glow and geometric shapes the city was made from felt unnatural to her. Finally they stopped, and were shoved into a room with another peacemaker. "My name is peacemaker Gliptr" he paused and sighed, then looked straight into Derpy's eyes with a mix of concern, annoyance and drowsiness. "And who in the eternal alchemy are you?" Derpy looked at her only friend, parent, and really all she had left. Instead of helping her explain their unusual predicament, the charr just gave her a weird look, not sure what to make of the situation either.

"I'm Derpy, of the Iron Legion. Or I was... " she trailed, off trembling. Her warband had been all she had, and what did she do? She had thrown it all away, for this, a life doing who-knows-what who-knows-where. Just nothing in the Black Citadel. The charr weren't fond of traitors. Her ears drooped, and she started to fight back tears. "I don't know who I am anymore..." Gliptr took a deep breath and tried his best to sound caring. "Let's start small. Do you know your parents?"

"Yeah. They were Professor Trin, my father, and Golummancer Pippa, my mother." "This is great, keep going." Gliptr started to rummage through papers. "Trin was an elementalist and Pippa was a warrior. They found that Flame Legion magic was an incredibly efficient fuel source, and together with a local Iron Legion warband started to wreak havoc to study and obtain it. But one day the Flame Legion..." she paused and gulped. "Caught them by suprise and killed them. I was taken in by a warband of mostly Iron Legion engineers, who saw my parents as brave heroes. Up intill very recently, I've been living with them, learning engineering." "Fascinating." Gliptr remarked, scribbling down notes.

"Well we don't exactly have a protocol for wanna-be charr runaways" he chuckled slightly. "So you're going to spend the night in prison." He was smiling, which was something Derpy wasn't sure how to feel about. It sure wasn't normal for charr to smile after an important meeting, or when sending one to prison. "Well I have some other things I need to attend to, so an escort will be here momentarily." He was still smiling a little. Any charr smiling in an official meeting like this would have been killed or exiled or something. Perhaps Derpy could get used to this freedom to be herself.

Their escort arrived quickly, and just as quickly had them in handcuffs. She pulled them along, muttering gibberish to herself. Derpy was aware she could easily overpower their guard, and her fluffy friend probably the rest of the asurian army. She was too tired and confused for anything reckless, and Fluffy seemed to feel the same.

Their cell was unlike anything the two had ever seen. It was protected by a glowy impermeable force field, and the inside was an equally glowy mix of stone and something fluorescent. The peacemaker put her hand to a holographic touchscreen-like thing and her fingers started to move incredibly fast. After several alarms and chirps, she seemed satisfied and put yet another geometric shape emmiting blue light into a keyhole and twisted it.

"Night Bookahs" she said before strutting off. An awkward silence began, then was quickly silenced by the charr's extremely insightful question: "Do you think they have meat here?" Derpy thought for a moment. What did asura even eat? "I hope so." "I wonder if they have any different meats here? Maybe fried asura ears. I've always wanted to try one, but there was never a good supply back in Ascalon." "That's absolutely disgusting. That's like going to the Citadel and buying boiled charr tails." "Ahh but we actually need our tails. I could maybe take these rats seriously if those floppy bits were ripped off their heads. Well except yours" The charr smirked and stroked her medium sized brown ears.

Derpy blushed and pushed her away. "You're blushing." The charr grinned broadly, showing her large fangs and sharp teeth. "Doesn't everyone blush when they get ear-related compliments?" "Must be an asura thing." The charr started to pick at her teeth with her claws.

Derpy leaned back and started to get comfortable. "I hate sleeping without a weapon" The asura announced. "You and me both." "What if we don't get our weapons back!" Derpy's favorite rifle had been a gift from her former warband leader, a symbol of his trust and acceptance. "Then we crush some skulls untill we find it." Derpy noticed the lights were dimming, probably about time to get some sleep.

Soon she could only see a little light in charr's orange eyes. "Night Fluffy". "What bedtime already!" The charr teased. "Night-night Derpy."

"You know Fluffy, you never told me your real name." Derpy inquired.

"I dropped my birthname a long time ago. At the vigil they call me Amber, or Ampurr if they're feeling clever. Seriously, Fluffy is fine though." The charr curled up, her tail resting on Derpy, fluffy as usual.

She started to reminisce about the first time she met the Mesmer. Fluffy was the first mesmer Derpy had ever met, a long time ago when she accompanied her warband to a meeting with the Vigil. Since her legion was helping design top secret weapons, the young asura wasn't allowed to join, since she wasn't really an honorary charr yet. Some event in the mesmer's past also meant she couldn't attend any meetings, so the two got stuck outside together.

Who knows what they were discussing in there, but they sure did take their time, and Derpy and Fluffy spent hours together. Fluffy didn't like to talk much about about her past (classic mesmer, always mysterious) but she was an outsider and had parental issues, so they got along well.

Since Derpy was mostly kept hidden and never joined a Fahrar, she really only had one choice - leave forever and go to the Rata Sum. So to the Rata Sum she went. Fluffy was assigned to look after her, and here they were. Eventually exhaustion hit the young asura like a brick. She had done enough thinking for the day, it was time to get some sleep.

Derpy awoke to the pitter-patter of asuraian feet and the hard blue glow of the cell and instantly started to panic. She scrambled madly looking for a gun, a knife- anything to protect her from the unknown. "Fluffy! Ready the cannons! Get the legionare!" Instead of following the screaming asura's war plan, she let out a huge yawn.

When Derpy saw a bored looking peacemaker on the other side of the cell door, she came to her senses and her panic was replaced with excitement and dread. She was handcuffed, and along with the mesmer, was led deeper into the claustrophobic cube.

After sometime additional peacemakers came and took Fluffy down the opposite direction, which stressed out the engineer further. Soon she was back with peacemaker Gliptr. "What are you doing with the charr!" Derpy demanded. "She's fine." Gliptr responded calmly. "That doesn't answer my question, Gliptr." She snarled back. "You really want to know what they're doing with her? There talking, in a room." He snapped.

"Now lets focus on you. We would like to avoid sticking you in with the progeny, so you're joining a krewe. They need an engineer, and though you'll probably fail miserably, it will provide an opportunity to-" he paused and thought for a moment, "evaluate you." "And if I fail the evaluation?" "The inquest could always use new live test subjects." She shivered. Gliptr started to dig through papers. "You'll also need to join a collage, provided you show any intelligence whatsoever. I have lots of important things to do so I'm going to summarize this as briefly as possible. The collage of Dynamics are the inventors, the risk takers. Synergetics students like the abstract, energy patterns and such. And Statics deals with the concrete, they're the builders. Good luck out there." He said before shoving her out the door.

Her new escort didn't even bother with the handcuffs, she tossed her sword up and down and seemed incredibly bored by the situation. Derpy was led out to the top of the cube and was hit by the hot humid jungle air, and the sights and smells of the rainforest, all of which were brand new to her.

"You're krewe's on the other side" she said, pointing at a glowing asura gate. Derpy turned to look at it, and when she turned back the peacemaker was gone. She stepped through, knowing success or failure was just on the other side.

She was greeted by a sleeping light-gray skinned asura with brown hair and a black skinned asura with silvery hair and an unusual gray spot around one eye. "Get up." She commanded, kicking the sleeping one. He moaned and started to get to his feet. The female asura walked to Derpy, hands on her hips, eyes narrowed.

"You the engi?" She asked. "I think so." Derpy responded. "Well I hope you last longer then the others." She looked over her shoulder to the other asura, who was stumbling towards them.

"This is our engineer?" He had a mischievous look on his face and looked like trouble. "You're dressed like a skritt and smell like a charr. I'm sure you'll have quite a story for us"

"Just wait untill you see my best friend." Derpy walked to the two's lab, nestled in the wild mountains of Metrica Province.

"They call me Discord, 'cause I bring chaos wherever I go." The male asura winked at her. "You call yourself Discord because your parents are culturally inept and named you Ploop." Derpy noticed the female asura's intense blue gaze, were her eyes glowing?

"You'd better shut up or I'll sic' the moa on you." "You mean that ball of pink fluff you talk to every night because you can't get a girlfriend?" Derpy wasn't in the mood to listen to them squabble all night, so she quickly changed the subject.

"Do they have meat here?" Discord cracked up, and the female asura turned her blue gaze to Derpy, looking suspicious. "Who are you?" The female asura walked closer, then started to circle the engineer.

"Well, I used to be Derpy, of the Iron Legion..." "Iron Legion!?" Discord looked completely bewildered.

"You were right, she sure does have the stench of a charr. Tell me this, what kind of engineering do you specialize in?"

"The destructive kind."

"Excellent." The female asura smiled that creepy kind of smile only an asura can pull off, showing all her sharp teeth.

"Dash please tell me we're not going to kill anyone." Discord begged catching on to her destructive intentions.

"Your names Dash?" Derpy asked the female asura. "Yeah, Statics apprentice Dash, that's me. Speaking of Statics, did you even go to a collage?"

"Nope."

"That's okay. We can work with this. And you mentioned a friend earlier, can it swing a sword?"

"She can rip a fully grown drake in half".

"Perfect."

"Dash you're scaring me again." Discord whimpered.

"A krewe leader does what she has to."

Fluffy had just been released by the peacemakers. They were incredibly suspicious of her, but eventually decided the amount of trouble watching her would be is probably much more trouble then she could ever cause.

So now she had another mission - find Derpy. Fluffy went to merchant and asked him if he had seen a brownish redhead dressed like a hobo. He wasn't much help, but he did say most interesting things happened in Metrica Province and pointed her to the asura gate. She jumped right through.

Once in Metrica Province she started asking around Soren Draa for anything that would lead her to the engineer. Everyone's response was something along the lines of "I'm busy go bother someone else" or "I really don't give a skritt bookah."

Fluffy was seriously considering threatening to kill one or confusing them with some mesmer magic untill they spit out an answer, but she remembered the midget police army and decided it wasn't worth it.

She started to sniff the air and the ground in a very dog-like attempt to get any lead at all, then she saw an asuraian foot print in the mud, headed north. It wasn't anything special, but it was all she had.

She followed the footprints deep into the jungle and after a short while was horrified to find very choppy and bloody ground, obvious signs of conflict. She frantically searched for her sword, then realized the little rats never gave it back. She cursed, now extremely alert and jumping at every sound.

But the cat was also curious, and started to look for more footprints. She found what she was looking for, and next to the three-toed prints were marks from something, no someone, being dragged. Was it alive or dead- could they have her precious little engineer! Her feelings had nearly gotten her killed many times before, and history was about to repeat itself.

Derpy was having one of the strangest lessons of her life, next to the time her warband taught her how to make gunpowder and ice cream in the same cow bladder. Dash was teaching her basics of gollum mechanics, rapidly switching between being the closet thing to a mother Derpy had ever had and nearly strangling her.

The situation was made even more complicated by Discord's pet moa, which he had somehow managed to get drunk and kept stumbling into Dash's gizmos with unnpronounceable names. Dash threatened to make fried chicken a few times, and when Discord explained it was an important experiment on the effects of alcohol on the brain she lost her patience.

Dash stood up, picked a worn shield off a shelf and pushed Discord and the magenta bird out of the lab. Derpy watched the barrier of arcane energy send them flying, and the glow of her intensely blue eyes. "Guardian! You're a guardian!" Dash spun around to look at the engineer. She narrowed her eyes and looked straight at Derpy, a serious expression on her face.

"Derpy, be careful out there. I- I can't lose anymore krewe members." Derpy knew little about guardians, but it wasn't hard to guess that they were protective, and liked the color blue. The asura in front of her lived and breathed guardian.

Fluffy found a big stick and continued on the trail. It led to a stone building surrounded by a magical glow, not unlike other asurian buildings, except this lab had red illumination. There was a door guarded by several gollums and asuras, both of which looked combat ready. She knew the asuras were most likely not friendly, and there was most likely more guards inside.

Her Blood Legion instincts told her to charge in and kill stuff, but vigil training said not without reinforcements. She needed time to think, and backed up into the underbrush before she was seen. She rolled over into a fern and heard a squeak, followed by a string of curses and science gibberish.

Fluffy stood up tall, holding her stick high above her, head ready to pulverize the angry asura. "Get down Bookah! The inquest will see us!" The earth came alive beneath the charr's feet and pulled her down. Fluffy struggled against the earthen hands, grunting and cursing. "Idiot! Shut up!" The asura hissed. Fluffy looked at the asura, she was bald, had blue eyes, and wore a blue tunic with glowing bits that defied all laws of physics. She looked oddly familiar... then it hit her- she was the brat from Destiny's Edge who was always angry!

"You have issues with the inquest too, I hope?" She sounded as snarky as Fluffy had always heard she was, maybe even more so. "Umm... which one is the inquest?" The charr asked stupidly. "They're a group of thiefs and murders who work in that building over there." "Ahh yeah, I'm not a fan of them." "Good." She used her magic to conjure a sword of semi-hardened lava. "Smash stuff with this, and don't do anything stupid."

"We're going to take down an entire lab of these guys by ourselves?" Fluffy asked skeptically. "Oh I'm not alone." The elementalist pulled out a remote and pushed a button, and a gollum walked up. "This is Mister Sparkles. He's stronger then then ten charr and smells better then one too." She patted the robot affectionately. Fluffy growled a little, but though she would never admit it, was happy to have the asura on her side.

She smiled wickedly. "Shall we begin?" Fluffy nodded and the asura sent a bolt of lighting from her scepter hitting an inquest in the chest and sending him into violent spasms. She knew asura were vicious, but an angry asura is a force to be respected.

The gollums charged and Fluffy threw her greatsword at them, the blade purple from chaos magic. It came right back to her, leaving a perfect replica of the mesmer in front of the gollum. The gollum certainly hadn't been programmed to deal with mesmers and targeted the clone while the mesmer fried it with her magic.

The elementalist obviously knew exactly what she was doing, jumping out from behind the gollum to electrocute the inquest then dodging back behind it. All was going well until Fluffy got hit with a grenade, filled with some sort of vile poison. The elementalist conjured a geyser of healing magic right at her feet.

The mesmer dueled another few asura, confusing, blinding, kicking and using any other dirty mesmer trick she could. The elementalist conjured a mighty lightning bolt from the sky, blasting the doors to the lab straight off. One door nearly hit Fluffy. "Watch it!" She hissed, but the elementalist barely seemed to notice.

Fluffy quickly evaluated the carnage. That asura belonged in the Blood Legion. "I'm coming Teyo!" She screamed before rushing in the lab. Maybe she needed a little work on her battle cries before she could fit in a warband. In her current state she sounded like an angry rubber duckling.

Derpy had improved her gollumancy immensely in the past few hours. According to Dash, her arcane intelligence level was above well-educated skritt but below "your mammas IQ jokes." Dash said she would handle most of the construction, and Discord the "trans-ecto arcane influx" and "polarity inverted magically enhanced projectiles." What ever that ment.

Derpy's job was the fun one- add as much charr weaponry as possible. Dash still wouldn't reveal her intentions with the killing machine, all she would say is "I'm utilizing the gollum in a matter of justice." It sounded more like revenge to Derpy, but it really didn't matter either way to her.

Fluffy and the elementalist were still fighting, but the attacks from the few dozen inquest were talking their toll. One of them shot the elementalist- she cried out and collapsed. Fluffy ran to her, leaving clones in her wake, which left the inquest confused and disorganized enough for the charr to channel some healing magic.

"We probably should know each other's names, in case of us doesn't get out of here alive. For legal purposes." The elementalist choked out. "Amber." Fluffy responded. "Zojja." Zojja didn't waste a moment, getting back on her feet a soon as the pain was bearable. They continued the pattern of casting and dodging untill everything in the room appeared dead. The two assessd their wounds, Zojja using water magic to repair damage on the gollum and herself. Fluffy just licked the blood off her cuts. The mesmer was about to scavenge for anything valuable when a female voice, malicious sounding, echoed from somewhere.

"Welcome to the Funhouse!" She announced, sounding happy to see them, but in a maniacal way. "Finally done crying over that old failure of a genius? He could have been the most intelligent and powerful asura in Tyria, but instead he decided to babysit a bald little girl who can't control her temper." The voice laughed maniacaly. Lightning cracked around Zojja's whole body, most intense at her wrists. She was consumed by fury, the kind Fluffy had only seen on a few occasions when one faced their worst enemy. It was a beautiful, powerful kind of emotion, but sometimes had suicidal side effects. Fluffy remembered the marks in the mud- this manic could have Derpy. She raised her greatsword in a dramatic fashion and let out a battle roar, Blood Legion style. That rat was going down!

Derpy hadn't gotten very far when she was met by a crippling lack of gunpowder or napalm. Dash and Discord weren't able to do anything to help the engineer, being wrapped up in their own projects. She pushed the bits of grenades and bombs into a heap, and seeing that her krewe had no interest in helping, set out on her own. Her lab was in a mountainside cave, with a bit of a climb to access. She seemed to be about as far south as the terrain would allow, so she went north, not certain what she was looking for.

Signs of civilization started to appear in the jungle, leading her to Soren Draa. There were merchants there, but all asuraians selling asuraian technology. Since asking for explosives would probably aggravate the peacemakers, she decided to be more subtle, asking where she could find a charr. One merchant said he could lead her right to a charr who had been in the area just a few hours ago, for a price.

He would except payment in gold, weapons or knowledge. Derpy chose the latter and he crossed his arms, waiting for her deliver. What exactly did he mean by knowledge anyways? She definitely couldn't teach him anything new about magic, he probably wasn't interested in the details of last years meatober, and anything else vaguely interesting she knew about the charr was top secret. Gossip was technically knowledge too, right? "You know Discord, that male with the brown hair and the pink moa? His real name is Ploop." The merchant laughed, and Derpy hoped Discord wouldn't kill her for that. "Good old humiliation." The merchant brought her out and pointed at the ground. "The charr found something here, footprints I'm assuming." He looked closely at the mud. "This looks like inquest footwear. The inquest are a dangerous group of ruffians, so use caution. My hypothesis is that they went northwest, to the Funhouse. Not a pleasant place." He strutted off, and though Derpy hadn't exactly received directions to charr weaponry, this could be the tracks of something even better, her mesmer friend.

Teyo, though not a better fighter the the two (three if you count Mr. Sparkles), easily overwhelmed them with an army of gollums. They were exhausted, and Mr. Sparkles had sustained critical damage. Zojja retreated to Fluffy. "We need to work together, on three make the biggest chaos storm possible." The elementalist instructed. "Alrighty!" Fluffy responded. "One, two, THREE!" Fluffy swirled as much choas magic as she could right at the elementalist's feet, and immediately after she created a huge lightning storm, which carried the purple energy with it. Teyo's army went down and Zojja shouted at her: "Maybe you should come out fight coward!"

Her response to Zojja's outburst was a heavy net falling on the mesmer and a rocket blowing her gollum apart. Teyo stepped out from a side room, her rifle still smoking. Teyo smiled and giggled, and Zojja's anger was replaced with fear. "Amber! Just blink out!" The mesmer was hopelesly tangled in the heavy chains, and the metal sparkled with electricity, the high voltage leaving her unconscious. "Oops, my bad." Teyo taunted, waving a small remote apparently linked to the charr's mini-prision. Struggling to stand, she realized she had fallen right into the engineer's trap. Everything she had encountered had just been there to weaken her, and now Teyo was about to have the time of her life torturing her.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note- Is Teyo an engineer? Wiki doesn't say, but I think I remember her using the engi rifle auto-attack...


	2. Chapter 2

An Unlikely Krewe pt2

*How am I doing? Enjoying it so far? Anyone seem o.o.c.? Reviews are welcome! (Haha I sure do sound desperate) Enough whining, lets get to the story!*

When Derpy arrived at the ruined entrance to the Funhouse, she was greeted by a grisly scene. The most important lesson she learned in the Iron Legion was "Never rush into battle without a weapon." Since fighting had apparently taken place very recently, she started to scrounge for something dangerous. She found a pistol and shield, not in perfect condition but still usable. Not wanting to damage her perfect little cranium, she pulled a helmet of a fallen inquest. It fit well, and she started to move inside the facility, creeping around corners, senses alert. It didn't take long for her sensitive ears to pick up on angry vocalizations in a central room. She followed the trail of dead inquest and gollum scraps untill she could make out the conversation. A cold, cruel voice, belonging to a female, bullied another female, the latter's voice sounding angry and strained.

"Poor little Snaff, you think the inquest are bad, at least we don't run off and leave Tyria's top genius to be slaughtered."

"Shut up! You weren't there! You don't know anything!"

"Actually, I know quite a lot. He found out vital information about the elder dragons then refused to conduct any further research, correct?"

"He refused to sacrifice lives for unstable, reckless experimentation!"

"Well unlike Snaff, Kudu wasn't afraid of the unknown, and unlike Snaff, he's still alive."

"Sh-shut up..."

"Oh what's this? Is the strongest asura in Tyria begging?"

Derpy was starting to put together the situation. One asura was verbally attacking another, the latter was very attached to this Snaff person. Snaff, the name felt important.. Derpy didn't have time to search her mental archives for the name, but her curiosity had been activated. She would ask later. The engineer crept into the room, wanting a visual analysis of the conflict. A venomous looking asura, clad in red and black, stood over an injured asura, wearing blue. She held a gun to the crippled asura's head, an extremely creepy smile on her face. Derpy's eyes drifed to a corner where she saw a familiar fluffy lump, motionless under a heap of metal chains. She'd recognise the tufts of yellow fur anywhere- Fluffy!

Her mind quickly calculated the fastest way to get to her charr friend. All she needed was a well aimed shot at the inquest fink and in the resulting conflict between the two enemy asura should provide her enough time to drag the charr somewhere safe. Well provided she was still alive... Derpy shook her head. Thinking like that would get her nowhere. A bullet hit the inquest asura in the arm, just as planned. The blue one, taking advantage of the distraction, kicked her down and swung her scepter up high, calling down the wrath of the clouds. Derpy was soon moving the net off of Fluffy. She bent over the newly freed charr, and prayed to the six, the spirits of the wild, the eternal alchemy- any deity who would listen- that the mesmer was alive. She felt her pulse, and relief washed over her. She pulled a first-aid kit from a large pocket in her coat, luckily the peacemakers hadn't taken it. She injected some of her favorite chemical concoction, Elixir H. The charr jolted awake and rose to her feet, leting out a roar. "Hoo-rah!" She bellowed before charging into the fray.

Zojja whipped around, surprised by the charr's cries. But what surprised her even more then the mesmer was the asura behind the mesmer. The asura had a gun and inquest headgear- bad news. All of whatever strength she had left condensed into a beam of electricity, aimed right at the asura. Instead of the satisfaction of a fallen enemy, she got a furry fist to the face, knocking her over. The lightning was absorbed by the Funhouse's roof. The charr growled right in her face. "No one. Electrocutes. My friends." Fluffy demanded.

Derpy was struggling to determine who was friend and who was foe. Fluffy punched the blue one, who was fighting the red one, who was- aiming a rifle at Fluffy's head! Derpy quickly reassessed her priorities and threw her shield at the inquest fink, dazing her. Fluffy shouted at the blue-clad asura who in turn created a large sword from magma. Fluffy swung the molten blade, knocking the foul asura over with a magenta wave, then proceeded to bombard her with bolts of chaos magic. Suddenly they were four Fluffys- and moments later three exploded in Teyo's face. The mesmer not only defied all laws of logic, but apparently her purple butterflies could cause agonizing pain. Teyo collapsed, and Fluffy gestured to Zojja, who stumbled up towards the fallen asura, a slightly crazed expression on her face. "GOODNIGHT TEYO!" She screamed before bringing one last lightning storm from her scepter. "GYAH!" Teyo watched in horror as the elementalist brought down enormous sparks, killing her swiftly. "Damn you Zojja..." She muttered before going motionless. Dead.

"Well that was interesting." Fluffy announced. Zojja started to hack and cough, then she fell over. Derpy initially wondered if she was emotionally stable enough to go near, but when Fluffy scooped her up in her arms Derpy ran to assist. Any friend of Fluffy's was a friend of hers. Derpy wasn't a magic user her self, but from her basic understanding of the stuff she knew it was physically exausting to use. The asura in the blue tunic had without a doubt pushed her self to far. Derpy started to apply various salves and bandage her wounds, but the elementalist was suffering from a lot more then she could fix. "Let's get out of here." The charr said. Derpy nodded and followed, snatching up Teyo's discarded rifle and stuffing a few small boxes labeled "danger" or "explosive" in her pockets. Fluffy kicked open a side door, still cradling the elementalist, and stopped outside, realizing she had no idea where to go. "I know a guardian who could heal her, but first you have to tell me where the hell you've been." Derpy narrowed her eyes. Fluffy laughed at her demands. "Feisty, I like it. The law kept me for a little bit 'till they realized I was was more trouble then I was worth, and then the little rats dumped me. I was told you were out in the jungle somewhere, so I followed the first footprints I found that looked sorta like yours." "But why didn't you turn back when you saw they led to such an awful place?" The mesmer stopped dead in her tracks. "Because they were holding someone prisoner..." She punched a tree in rage, nearly dropping an unconscious Zojja. "How could I forget! But I can't turn back!" She roared and punched some more trees. "Let's just get to my krewe. They are capable of providing the required assistance." "Ugh, are you going to start talking like these softies? You were raised in the embers of war! Have the legions become too uncouth for thou?" Fluffy teased. Derpy shrugged.

Discord was roused from a catnap by his growling stomach. "Dash I'm calorie deprived!" Dash pushed aside the gollum in progress. He was right, she needed to eat. "Where shall this consumption of edibles take place?" Discord asked. "If we leave the lab together we'll appear to be dating." Dash pointed out. "Not if we bring the engineer." Dash realized she hadn't seen her in hours. "Derpy!" Dash called. Discord, realizing she wasn't in the immediate area, went to a window to survey. What he saw was unexpected, to say the least. "Dash, you may want to take a look at this." He sounded worried, and the guardian rushed over.

"It's Derpy, a charr and, well, lets hope thats not a dead asura." Dash stepped down a series of boulders to meet them. She held a sword to the charr's throat. "This is the friend I mentioned earlier." Derpy introduced the two. "Well, come in, I guess." Dash showed them inside the lab. Discord cringed when he saw the slowly dying lump in Fluffy's arms, then turned away. Dash's eyes widened in shock when she realized who the mesmer was holding. "Why in the eternal alchemy do you have Zojja in your possession!" Discord turned around then shivered at the sight of the genius so greviously injured.

"I'll explain later. Could you hurry up and save her life? Guardians are good at that kind of stuff, right?" Fluffy clenched her paws intinto fists worryingly. "I'll do what I can. Discord go make food. Mesmer, give me anything magical in your possession. Derpy, give me the first aid kit you're hiding in your coat." "How did you..? " Derpy started. Dash turned her intense gaze to Derpy. "Know what cannot be known."

A thoroughly confused Derpy handed it over and explained what was in all the vials. Then she padded over to Discord who was slinging a longbow and a quiver over his shoulder. He whistled and a pink moa materialized from under a heap of blankets.

"You're a ranger, correct?" Derpy asked. He nodded in response. "Where are you going?" The engineer asked. "To the Rata Sum, I suppose." "Well I'm coming with you." "You should remove the gunpowder from your coat, wearing inquest clothing is suspicious enough." "And how did you know I had concealed explosives?" He turned his strange white eyes to look straight at her. "Heard a whisper." Now Derpy was certain something was up. They were about to depart when Fluffy prowled up. "I didn't want to worry the guardian, she's got enough to deal with. You two are going to go to the Funhouse and release any prisoners." "Look charr, would getting myself killed worry the guardian less then following her instructions?" "We took care of that for ya, how'd you think Zojja got all mangled? Derpy was there, she'll set you straight." Derpy nodded. "The Funhouse is as safe as it'll ever be." "Good. You two have fun now." Fluffy winked and walked off. Derpy equipped herself with the stolen rifle and gunpowder and they set out,headed north.

Derpy started to feel awkward and self-conscious. She was, for the first time ever, alone with a male of her own species. She couldn't help but stare a little, and soon he took notice of her behavior.

"Is there something on my face?"

"I don't know! I wasn't looking!"

"Derpy, are the tips of your ears turning red?"

"NO! I mean- I'm not sure, why do you ask?"

"Are you feeling unwell?"

"STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! I'M ARMED!"

"You need to improve your social skills, threatening a potential partner is a very ineffective way to get a date."

Derpy had lost her parents, been raised by the most violent empire in Tyria, and could kill a fully grown norn, but there was one enemy more daunting then all the Flame Legion- her own emotions.

"I DON'T FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE!" She was desperately searching for a way to escape.

"You suck at lying, my friend.

She hung her head, defeated. He grinned and patted her on the back.

"Night's still young. Don't worry, when I'm done you'll be the second best lier in Tyria. After myself, of course."

"Where did you get so good at lying?"

"I suppose you have a right to know. I just don't want to put you in danger..."

She crossed her arms. "I love danger."

His expression turned deadly serious. "You may never repeat my dialog." She nodded. "I am a field agent for a secret society, The Order of Whispers."

A million thoughts raced through her head. The most dominant thought being you can't trust him.

Her grip around her rifle tightened. Now she was definitely staring at him, not in the lighthearted way she was before. She was watching his every move, analyzing weak spots in his armor, guessing at his intentions.

Eventually they were at the Funhouse. Discord was amazed at the state of, well, discord it was in. He crept inside, and Derpy followed, taking much less care to be stealthy. Their footsteps echoed off the walls, but other then that the place was in eerie silence. They got to the central room where Teyo laid, slain. Discord slinked up to her corpse. "Teyo's dead..." He muttered to himself in amazement. Then they heard a thump. The faint noise caused both asura's ears to whip upwards in alarm. Discord calculated the approximate location of the sounds origin and pointed to a side door. Derpy saw his gesture and nodded in response. They went down a hallway, took a left and came to a sealed door. There was a panel to the left that read "Test Subjects." Something, or more likely someone, was trying desperately to escape. Discord began to investigate the door, much to Derpy's surprise.

"Well? Are you gonna open it?"

"Asurain locks are more sophisticated than anything the horned beasts you grew up with could dream of." The ranger said with a condescending tone.

"You want an argument boy? I can give you an argument."

"Those charr turned you into such an unnecessarily aggressive individual."

"Aggression can save lives! Make heroes! Like right now for example, we could be punching this door down instead of lazing around looking at it!"

"It's password protected. Punching it down would set off security systems, security systems would cause death. "

The thumping sound hadn't changed. Thinking of someone, trapped on the other side, so close to freedom, filled the engineer with anger. Discord was right though, anger was a charr response. Derpy had to think like asura to live with asura. Discord pulled up a hologram with a new krytan keyboard. He typed in "ZOJJA_IS_A_FINK" and the door popped open. What she saw was disturbing, but not surprising. An asura with black hair, blue-green eyes and speckled white skin was smashing his fist into a glass like barrier. How awful to be sealed off from everything else, able to watch but not feel, in a controlled environment free from any data obscuring pollutants from which accurate information could be derived- wait what!? Was she... thinking like the inquest? No way. Never. Derpy had no intention of joining such a horrific mega-krewe. She admitted to herself that they were effective, but that didn't matter. Knowledge wasn't worth this. Though something deep down wanted to argue, she snuffed it out. Nope. Inquest bad, end of story. Sweat was starting to appear on Discord's face. Asura rarely sweated, so he must have been super nervous. He was desperately searching for controls to the prison. He pulled a loose panel off the floor, revealing chanels of arcane energy. Using some gizmos from his backpack-like storage unit, he was able to direct the energy away and deactivate the barriers, burning his hand in the process. The prisoner looked stunned and overjoyed. Pretty much the expected reaction. "Thank the alchemy you two came along. My name's Yelikk, I work with the College of Dynamics." His voice was hoarse and his handshakes enthusiastic. Discord winced as he shook his burnt hand. The black haired asura didn't seen to notice, still in a state of happiness and wonder. "I am forever indebted to you two. Please accept my gratitude." He placed a pouch of coins in Discord's hands. "Excuse my rudeness, I need to get to the Rata Sum for something urgent." He was about to take off when Discord stated that they were headed to the Rata Sum also and could serve as an escort. Derpy was about to object to whatever he had planned in the capital city, but she realized he probably did need an

escort. It's not like the inquest treated him very well, the asura was skinny, tired and overall pitiful looking. They stepped out the busted doors to the Funhouse and headed south.

Dash was doing her best keep the elementalist breathing. Fluffy couldn't help much, so she sat close to the two, her massive charr bulk hunched over awkwardly. When she was done channeling the blue healing magic, Dash leaned back, exhausted. "Zojja will live." Both were relieved. "Your magic is impressive." Fluffy remarked.

"Thanks. I don't do as well on the battlefield though."

"We all could use more helping, less hurting."

"Never thought I'd hear that come out of charr's mouth."

"I'm no charr."

Dash laughed at this. "Really? That's the best charr disguise I've ever seen."

"Looks can be deceiving."

"So are you a sylvari? An asura? An elder dragon, perhaps?"

"My parents were charr, I was born a charr, but I am not a charr."

Dash shook her head. "Mesmers"

Fluffy let out a massive sigh and lay on the floor. "When are we getting food?"

"It'll probably be awhile, who knows what Discord's up to."

"What do asuraians eat?"

"About the same stuff humans eat, we just can't chew it the same."

"Well that's one thing we have in common. Once I attended a human dinner party, and they were appalled by the fact I lacked their pretty little grinding molars."

"And you were at a human dinner party because..?"

"Vigil business."

"So what's a member of vigil doing out here?"

"I'm here for the engineer. Friends before responsibilities, that's my philosophy."

"Ah, I see. They didn't like that in Ascalon, did they?"

Fluffy sighed. "I was exiled. They... tried to make me kill my father."

"That's sickening. You needed to get out of there"

"We escaped. My father was a mesmer also, trickiest charr in the legions. He got into risky business trying to free a friend from the Separatists. In the end he tried to trade some powerful artifact for a fellow soldier's life, but it was seen as betrayal. His friend was killed and my sire was to have the same fate. We ran and never looked back. The vigil gave me a bed and a purpose, but when we needed to work with the charr, I got to wait outside with the rejects. That's where I met Derpy. I saw myself as a cub in her."

Discord and Yelikk were having a Synergetics vs Dynamics debate. Derpy wouldn't be surprised if everything they were saying was completely made up. The words they were using had more syllables then she could count. Soon the two became a bit more comfortable with each other and it turned from a scholarly discussion of positives and negatives to a throwdown "who would win in a fight?" Derpy was suddenly interested in the conversation, what she heard went like this:

"Yelikk, I propose a hypothetical situation in which the two collages would go to war. Who would be victorious?"

"Well, Dynamics would simply crush Synergetics. Synergetics just lacks the offensive technology required for combat."

"Your point is logical, but how effective are members of the Dynamics collage at creating things that work in a timely manner? You won't have assistants from Statics to ensure your creations don't blow up in your your face."

"We're not incompetent. We have many old gollum designs that don't explode randomly, and honestly we could use even the most primitive of weapon systems due to your complete lack of defense."

"What we lack in physical intimidation we make up for in magical prowess. Ever been trampled by a gollum enhanced by the alchemy itself! It's not pleasant."

"Your methods are irrefutably more elegant but simply cannot compete on the battlefield."

"Well at least our woman are prettier!"

Yelikk found some humor in this, but made sure Discord was aware Dynamics were superior. "Checkmate."

They parted after arriving in the Rata Sum. Discord was about to rub his hands together in anticipation, but he hesitated then ended up gingerly stroking the burnt flesh on his right hand. Derpy took notice. "Perhaps we should see a medic."

"Nah, culturally educating you is more important. Where would you like to start, madam?" Derpy sighed. Tonight would be an emotional rollercoaster ride, she was sure of it. The sun was setting, and the last time she ate was about 24 hours ago. A lot can happen in a day. "Let's get some food."

"An excellent choice! I have just the place in mind."

He went down ramps, deep into the cube. Derpy followed, making a mental map should she need to escape. When they were at what appeared to be the lowest level, he started to hug the wall and walk across a root, high above the mysterious trenches where gollums worked. He beckoned to her, and she looked down apprehensively. A fall would definitely kill her.

"I thought you loved danger."

"That doesn't mean I'm suicidal!"

He took a length of rope and tied it around a sturdy root, then tossed the other end to her. "Tie it around your wrist, it doesn't get much safer."

She followed his instructions, but stepped extremely carefully. It was obvious the root was secure, but she was more worried about the whispers agent. There was no one around, if he wanted to assassinate her now was the time to do it. It would be so easy for him, just a little push, untie the rope, watch her fall away into oblivion... it would just look like an accident, and the already overwhelmed peacemakers would never investigate further. Noting her worried look, he asked if she needed help. "I'm okay... I just really hate high places." He offered a hand, and Derpy hesitated. She started to calculate the probability that he was plotting something malicious. She really wanted off this root, and ended the awkward moment by gripping his hand. He pulled her along, and at the end of the root he turned a sharp corner. They stepped over a gap onto a narrow stone shelf. Discord vanished into thick vegetation cascading over the stone. Derpy stepped through the vines and was greeted by atleast four daggers at her throat. "Welcome to the shadows" A voice whispered through the darkness. Derpy was quickly blindfolded, gagged and her hands bound. Hands gripped her shoulders- some clawed like an asura, fluffy like a charr, squishy like a human and rough like a norn. They walked her down stone corridors, and she didn't fight her captors. The engineer was incredibly curious about where she was headed, and going along with them was the best way to ensure she didn't get a knife through the chest. The movement subsided and her blindfold was lifted. She was in a dark stone room lit by torches. They were greeted by a slyvari with piercings in her strange leafy ears, a human male with an eyepatch and dangerous looking gun, and an asura with a very impressive assortment of rings and jewels hanging from his huge ears, among others. A hooded charr gave Derpy a good look, then inhaled deeply. After the sniffing ritual was over, she ripped the gag off. "Seems a'ight cap'n." A piratey looking asura hobbled out of the dark. "Sorry for the rude welcoming!" She threw a cutlass at Derpy. Derpy gasped and jumped out of the way. Welcome to the crew initiate!" A huge norn whose head brushed the top of the chamber dumped some ratty clothing on her. She put everything together- Discord just signed her up to be some sort of spy pirate!

"Mom she's not a new member!" A familiar voice rang out. The pirate asura was Discord's mother!? "Well then why'd you drag 'er in 'ere, Ploopy!?" "DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Discord's mother gave the same mischievous smile the ranger had earlier. "Oh I see, wouldn't want to embarrass you in front of your new girlfriend." "She's. Just. A. Krewe. Member." Discord said through gritted teeth. Discord's mom rolled her eyes. "Well, you must have a reason for dragging a smart young woman into this rat's nest." "We came for the food." "That's my little freeloader! Come on, we have the most edible pirate grub in Tyria!" Derpy and Discord followed her through a maze of dimly lit tunnels. They stepped out onto a patio made of haphazardly nailed together wood protruding from the stone edge of Rata Sum. They were on the lower hemisphere of the cube, and one of the edges of the city formed a roof keeping anyone at the top of the Rata Sum from spotting them. The sun was dipping under the horizon, and though the lack of safety rails freaked her out, Derpy thought it really was beautiful up here. Discord's mother walked off to get "grub".

"You've got a lot of explaining to do." Derpy stated.

"My family operates one of the order's most ingenious divisions."

"So what do you besides steal stuff and drink?"

"Gather intel. We travel all over Tyria's great waters, visiting bars, ports, anywhere that rumors may accumulate. Nobody suspects a thing."

"Captain Ranger Danger Discord, the Synergetic Ninja Pirate of Whispers. Has a nice ring to it."

Discord's mother returned with a plate of dried fruits, jerky and a hefty stack of seaweed. Derpy went straight for the meat. She closed her eyes in pleasure. The wonderful dry salty strips reminded her of home. Derpy began to tear through the persevered about her vicious behavior towards the food set the ranger on edge, and he pushed the jerky towards her.

"Know any swashbuckling tales!" She asked between mouthfuls.

"I knew a group of quaggain pirates once."

"Tell me more!"

"The captain's name was Suwash. He had a small crew of about eight, and they didn't know anything about boats so their ship was constantly sinking. I know because they held me for ransom. You see, I was very small at the time and fell off my ship in a storm. The quaggins were too nice to watch me drown and too criminal hand me back, so they had the ingenious plan to hold me prisoner untill my mother paid one hundred gold. The initial plan was to cut off my ear then write a note in my blood."

"Ouch."

"But that failed the moment those softies looked into my eyes. Instead they fed me cookies and rum. I was having a great time untill we hit rough water and capsized. A group of hungry krait nearly skinned and ate me right there, but luckily the quaggins had been playing dress up with me earlier. I had a water breather and some magical assortment of sacred krait robes on. Those hyper-religious fools said that my clothing and disproportionately large blue eyes-"

"Wait what?! Blue eyes...?"

"Yes, yes let me finish. They decided my cobalt irises were a sign of power, that I would help them flood Tyria and kill everything. They brought me to a witch, or perhaps a prophet, who drained the color from my eyes, along with other traumatic things. Those scaly beasts sure do love knives..." He shook his head, trying to clear a variety of disturbing memories. Derpy felt empathy for him, but wasn't sure how to express it so she just shuffled awkwardly. The charr werent big on feelings. "Anyways, they were planning for a rather gruesome sacrifice. Aren't krait just little rays of sunshine?" Suddenly, a grin lit up his face. "Fortunately, my mother had just finished pounding information regarding my location out of those blubber lumps. Well, technically she just cried and sobbed until the quaggins felt really bad and agreed to help. Then they charged in for a rescue!" He punched the rickety platform for dramatic effect. The porch creeked and wobbled. Instinctively, Derpy stiffened and dug her claws into the wood. (Well she had always thought of her strong asuraian fingernails as claws.) He apologized.

"So how'd the rescue turn out?"

"It was successful. Though I remember being more terrified of my rescuers then anything else. Angry quaggin are the stuff of nightmares."

"You're scared of quaggins?"

"Have you ever seen a raging quaggin! Their eyes go cloudy, spiked armor grows from their backs, their hands become taloned daggers- any sane person would flee in fear."

"I suppose I've yet to meet a quaggan. My warband called them soft and I just agreed."

"I can't wait to show you all of Tyria." Discord stated to chew on some seaweed, and Derpy tried some sort of dried purple berry. Once her sharp teeth pierced the fruit, everything completely stopped. Her mind went blank. She started to mutter incomprehensible gibberish. Discord took notice.

"First omnomberry?"

Derpy blinked and returned to normal state. She wiped some drool off her face, bewilderment filling her.

"Am I in the Mists...?" she stammered.

"Ha, nope, you're still mortal. Omnomberries sure are appropriately named."

She nodded and ate a few more, closing her eyes and smacking her lips. The sun had just set and stars were appearing.

"Where do want to crash tonight?" Discord asked.

"Should we go back to Dash?"

"Meh, she can take care of herself. She smarter then our combined intellect times pi."

"Okay, provided you trust these pirate assassins not to slit my throat while we sleep, how about right here?"

"Works for me." He got up and stretched. Then he whistled. Nothing happened.

Derpy, being the paranoid asura she was, snatched her rifle and looked alert.

"WHY ARE YOU WHISTLING! IS THAT THE SIGNAL FOR ALL YOUR THIEF FRIENDS TO COME MUG ME! I SHOW NO MERCY ON THE BATTLEFIELD!"

"Whoa, chill out!"

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING THEN! ANSWER ME!" She pointed the gun at Discord. He put his hands up and backed away.

"I-I w-was just c-calling my pet." Sure enough a pink moa came running up. Some how the bird had infiltrated the whispers secret lair. Derpy snapped out of her aggression.

"Dammit- what was I thinking!" She ceased aiming the gun at a trembling Discord. Then the engineer dropped to her knees. She sighed.

"I think the legions really did mess me up."

Discord walked up to his mentally unstable friend and offered her a hand. She let him help her up. Look at this. He thought. The rebel ranger, slyest spy in Rata Sum, helping a girl up all polite and chivalrous. They went inside, through a crumbling archway then up the tunnels. A weird thought occurred to her. Did she know anything about asuraian history?

"Discord we- well not us, but us a long time ago-"

"Our ancestors?"

"Yes that. Didn't they live underground?"

"Yeah. I can't imagine life without sunlight, even if it does burn my eyes sometimes."

"I used to get sunburned in the legions. Guess that explains why."

"At least you didn't get fleas."

Soon they had reached the main chamber. A human sharpening her knives pointed them in the direction of the empty beds. They walked down more dark stone hallways. Torches lit the way- and Derpy snatched one. Obviously the fire wasn't normal, for they weren't filling the claustrophobic space with smoke. She wanted to learn how it worked, and possibly utilize it in a new flamethrower. The room they chose had a few beds, most empty. At least two were occupied, as they had some leather sacks and armor dumped on them. Derpy and Discord both chose beds relatively close to each other. Discord's was norn-sized and had plenty of room for the moa. She/he curled up, tucking its beak in magenta down. The ranger tossed his bow and quiver down then collapsed, the bed squeaking a little. Derpy tossed off her inquest helm and evaluated her grungy clothes. As much as she hated to acknowledge it, she need new armor soon. Her mentor in engineering, Quich GreaseSnout, hand sowed it. His messy stitching ment a lot. Now without any distractions, her mind drifted to the warband. Her emotions were nothing unexpected, mostly longing, regret and worry. Discord was wondering about Dash. He wasn't concerned that she couldn't take care of herself, but if Zojja didn't make it, the guardian would blame herself. The two lay undisturbed, in their own thoughts.

Dash was approaching a dinner the mesmer had prepared, just like she had learned in the blood legion. The guardian felt comfortable leaving Zojja for the first time in hours. She was sleeping deeply. The food appeared to be mostly comprised of meat. No surprise there. She took a swig of her drink and gagged. The taste was unmistakable. She spat out a red liquid, but the horrible taste wasn't gone.

"You drink BLOOD in the legions!?"

"Yes, yes, the BLOOD legion perhaps does have to compensate for what's lost in melee combat. War sure is lovely, isn't it?"

"It just seems so savage."

"Well desperate times do call for desperate measures. You would have to experience it to understand, I suppose."

"But you're not desperate at this moment in time."

"It's called nostalgia, my dear."

Dash narrowed her eyes. Was she being out-snarked by this bookah? She made a mental note to get back at the condescending mesmer.

"Want some ale?"

Dash thought for a moment.

"Alright charr, don't make me regret trusting you."

Dash took a close look at the edibles.

"Meat on a stick?"

"Mmhmm."

The meat could have been cooked better, but Dash was satisfied. Fluffy laughed a little a as the asura hungrily licked meat juice off her chin.

"How would you react if I told you that's the flesh of a few unlucky asuraians who decided to insult me?"

She put the food down, blue fire starting to faintly glow in her eyes.

"I'd render you unconscious in a matter of seconds, then contact the peacemakers. If they seemed uninterested in resolving the matter legally, I'd send you to Grenth myself."

"Ah, terrifying. Don't worry, I'm just being- facetious. Look at that fancy word I just used! Proud 'a me?" The mesmer set down a mug of ale for them both.

"You're an exasperating bookah. But I appreciate the alcohol."

"Now that's a smart little girl right there. Letting perfectly good booze go unappreciated- 'ats a crime worst then cannibalism!"

Dash shook her head. "You're an enigma Fluffy."

"I don't know what that means but you're most likely right. I will now use the word 'enigma' to describe all things brave, cunning, resilient, beautiful and overall amazing."

"Okay, you have earned a new title. Idiot."

Fluffy flashed her fangs in a grin. "You are a wonderful, snarky, floppy-eared, aggressive, intelligent, dramatic, adorable, creepy, over-confident genius. But you're also a pain in the ass."

"We have something in common then."

They clinked their glasses together in a toast. "To the krewe!" Dash shouted. "To being an ass!" Fluffy proclaimed. Dash wasn't sure if she liked the bitter liquid, but she was sure she liked the mesmer. She could rebuild her krewe, develop friendships, and ultimately, get her revenge.

To Be Continued...

Is it good! Is it bad! How can I improve! I'm about to shamelessly beg for attention- REVIEW PLZ!


	3. Chapter 3

An Unlikely Krewe pt3

Discord was stroking his moa. It was late, and Derpy had succumbed to exhaustion awhile ago. The more he thought about the engineer's distrust of the order, the more he started to question. Suspicion made him anxious, anxiety kept him awake. His ears detected a faint clunk. Then another. And another. Footsteps. He pulled a knife from his belt, but remembering the messy beds from earlier, came to the conclusion that they were just more agents. Aware of the possibility the visitors weren't friendly, he walked to Derpy's bed and jostled her awake. Unfortunately, he forgot the fact that she was raised on the battlefield, and abruptly waking her holding a knife turned out to be a bad idea. She shrieked and called for an imaginary legionare. Soon she had a gun to his head again. He was starting to loathe that rifle.

"I-It's just me, D-Discord." He whispered.

"SORRY! THAT'S THE SECOND TIME I'VE TRIED TO KILL YOU TODAY!" She tossed her gun across the room in rage.

Any attempt greet the visitors calmly was pointless now, as Derpy was now aggressively punching the wall. Just like any traumatized paranoid charr, her anger exploded out of nowhere. The door swung open and a slyvari in heavy metal armor looked at them, followed by a huge norn.

The slyvari let out a deep annoyed sigh. "I don't have time for this. Savath, check 'em out"

The norn nodded and lumbered towards them. He smelled strongly of beer and exceeded the two's height by at least six feet. Discord was instinctively intimidated by the large man and backed away. But he was also moving towards Derpy, who had given up the punching and slumped against a wall, her ears drooping, her eyes half open. Why was he trying protect her! Discord knew the answer, but was somewhat embarrassed to admit it to himself. Fine. He liked her.

"Hello fellow agents of whispers!" He boomed. This norn seemed unusual for a secret agent. Discord interpreted his cheerful demeanor as a sign of either the dumbest spy ever or the smartest, depending on the situation. "My name's Savath ShadowFeather!" He held out his hand. Was it really this easy? He scanned for a traps. Never trust an unnecessarily happy assassin. All clear. He shook the norn's hand, sure to use the uncharred one. The height difference caused a little awkwardness. Derpy shared Discord's distrust of the norn, though hers was atleast equal to his amount of suspicion cubed. Maybe even to the fourth power. She was out of bed and alert, her fierce eyes burning into the norn. "Greetings friend! May Raven bless thee!" He offered a meaty hand. She inched her hand towards his, then jumped at the slightest movement, like a cat investigating something dangerous. Eventually her tiny hand was in his, and when he gripped and shook her appendage heartily, her face filled with dread. Charr must not shake hands much. Actually, now that he thought about it, most physical contact between charr involved pain. Derpy blinked a few times then crawled back into bed. The norn kneeled to be at a closer level vertically to Discord, yet he was still a good foot taller. "Sorry about waking you. And your girlfriend." He winked. Why in the alchemy couldn't he just accompany a girl without attracting so much attention! Savath got up and walked to the other side of the room. Then the norn ungracefully hit the hay, his massive bulk filling the bed. Everything was quiet, and Discord retreated to his bed. He wormed his way around the pink moa, who had decided to stretch out across as much surface area possible. "Goodnight Dinornis Roseus." He whispered to the bird. His pet cooed in response. His eyes shut, and sleep did what sleep does.

Far away, in the depths of Orr, a seemingly irrelevant side plot was awakening. Zithan the elder dragon, an ancient beast who was very found of zombies, stirred. He/She was starving, desperate for magic. Little did Tyria know, Zithan's corruption could only be stopped by some of Rata Sum's most unexpected heroes. A very unlikely krewe indeed...

With the sun rose Derpy. She felt as if the early morning sun had washed away her negativity, and padded over to Discord, excited for whatever he had planned. He was still sleeping, so she started to prod at him. Eventually he moaned and started to move. His sleepy eyes caught the silhouette of her distinctively inquest helm. He bared his teeth and hissed at her in a very primitive display of anger, or maybe fear? Either way Derpy was confused. She held out her hand, just as he had for her. Perhaps they both had problems, but through a symbiotic relationship, could their situation improve? He recognized the engineer and she hoisted him out of bed. "Sorry. Not a morning person." He grumbled. His already unruly hair looked even wilder, and he yawned. The sharp white points in his mouth complimented his soft brown hair. Derpy cussed in her head, why did she care about such superficial things! A look at his cream colored eyes confirmed her fears. She liked him. Of all the things she could be dealing with, it had to be romance. She cursed the alchemy.

"Breakfast?" The ranger suggested.

Derpy snapped back to reality. She had been staring at him and tried to hide her embarrassment. "Yes! Sure!"

She noticed the norn and slyvari were gone on the way out the door. Discord led them to the kitchen, which they promptly raided. They got some typical pirate food, hardtack and fish jerky. Derpy opened an oven from which a delicious smell wafted. In the hellish light emmitted by burning coals, she saw a pastry. She located a relatively clean cloth and used it to pull the hot baked good from the oven. It had a papery outer layer, and the top was rounded. Very peculiar. Discord was focused on a sack of dried kernals, and Derpy called for him.

"Yo! What's this?"

"Ah, what a find. They're called muffins. Human in origin, I believe."

"Hmmmm... muffin..." Derpy turned it over, examining like a true scientist. She peeled off the paper. "If this kills me, I blame you." She lacked paranoia in her voice, and Discord laughed.

"Okay. If you die from a poisoned muffin I'll be held responsible."

She took a bite of the muffin, and was transported to the same world of culinary delight where she first met the omnomberry. Saliva momentarily dripped from her agape maw. Discord snapped his fingers in her face.

"You in there Derps?"

"That was... ethereal."

"You're easily impressed."

"Yeah..." Her expression went blank.

Discord shook his head. Females and their irrational mood swings. The eternal alchemy's greatest mystery. One minute she had a gun to someone's head, the next she was seriously spaced out.

"What are we doing today?" She asked absent-mindedly.

"Oh, am I the leader?"

"I suppose it doesn't matter. If I didn't want to follow you I would just leave."

"Hopefully you'll be living here awhile, and there's still a lot of Rata Sum you need to see. A good education is a necessity in this city."

"Any more secret pirate spy hideouts?" There was a hint of snark in her voice.

"That's confidential. But I know of a secret location right under our feet..."

She shrugged. "Lead the way." Her gaze hardened. "But don't you dare take me anywhere I can't get back out of. I'm seeing Fluffy tonight, weather you like it or not."

"Tsk-tsk, paranoid, much?" He raised an eyebrow. "Are you a fearless charr or a scared little kitty?"

"You didn't grow up uncertain if you would live to see another sunrise!"

"Aye, didn't mean to offend. Tyria's a rough place, the alchemy hasn't been kind to some. We'll see Fluffy tonight, I swear my left ear on it."

They went up through the layers of the cube, and Derpy found herself thinking about the moment the asura surfaced. The subtle wiffs of fresh air, the faint birdsong, the humidity, the warm sensation of sunshine, all of which she noticed on the way out of the stone mass. But unlike in the present moment, the asura must have had to lose so much knowledge. Enormous amounts of progress, ingenuity and advancement, history and heritage, all lost beneath the soil. If only it could be reclaimed... Derpy's mind started to wander. What would she have done? Archive. Record. Salvage. Knowledge is power, lost power is a reduction of survival chances.

"We're here!"

He was standing on the edge of the Rata Sum

"Oh no, nope, not happening. I'm not going on that ledge."

Instead of his typical sarcastic response, he crossed his arms across his chest and closed his eyes.

"What are you doing!"

No response.

He was facing her, his back to the deadly drop. Suddenly, terrifyingly, Discord stated to lean back. And he fell.

Thump

Something intended to be words screamed from Derpy's mouth, but what came out was a jumbled mess. She raced to where he fell, not sure what she was looking for. A gory splatter, perhaps? But there was nothing to see. Tears started to glisten in her eyes. She bit her lip, trying to hold herself together. He could still be alive. Teleportation? Illusions? Ranger voodoo? She spat out blood.

"Damn shark teeth..." The engineer muttered. A tear rolled down he cheek. She was alone and weak. An emotional charr without a warband was a dead charr. She was about to trudge back to the lab when she heard a voice. One she shouldn't be hearing.

"Congratulations. You passed."

She froze. Great, she was going insane. She searched her pockets for a gun, but she had ditched it in her room. Idiot. Derpy whirled around, expecting a hologram or ghostly apparition.

But no, the figure was very much real. Discord was looking quite proud of himself, causally petting that moa he loved so much.

"What were you trying to accomplish, dammit!" Derpy shouted.

"Try and control your temper, my dear. Rata Sum is a place of enlightenment, not angry charr wanna-bes."

He was right. Peacemakers were watching. But she didn't care.

Derpy leaned in close to him. "I asked for an explanation. Suicide leaps are never done without reason, correct? What's. your. reason." Her ears twitched in anger.

"We're in the same boat here. Trust issues. Any idiot can yolo rush after a fallen friend. It takes true intelligence to stay behind. Look, you're not in the order and I won't force you to join. But the things I can show you are secret. And when secrets get leaked- people get killed."

"Why are you risking your life for me, how are you not dead and what does yolo mean?!"

"Yolo is whispers slang for You Obviously Lack Obedience. And I'm not dead because of Rainbow Sparkle here." He rubbed the moa affectionately.

"It's seriously named Rainbow Sparkle."

"Hey, she's been by my side since my first memories. Some slyvari influenced me, and I was too young to object."

"So you fell on the bird, and then..?"

"She has wings and feet, genius."

Derpy wasn't satisfied. "Okay, it stumble flew back up. But that pink mass is extremely noticeable visibly."

Discord pulled his bow and shot an arrow into the forest. That in itself wasn't very remarkable, but he vanished the moment the arrow left his hands. Derpy punched at where he stood and received a grunt.

"Alright. Why don't you ride it all the time."

"It's a she and her bones are fragile. I would love a mountable beast just as much as you, but the alchemy seems intent on preventing it."

Hmmm a mount... why didn't those exist?

"Think the kids are doing okay?" Fluffy asked Dash. The guardian was intently focused on a glowing gollum joint.

"As long as they haven't killed anyone, a situation which has a low probably of occurring, they're fine."

"So..." Fluffy paused, wondering what to ask the asura. She had a lot of questions. "Err, how old are you?"

"Provided you bookahs use the same measurements for time, 25 years."

"I'm not really sure how old I am, but it can't be far from 30. Last time someone asked I said 28, well, I think. What was that, three summers ago? How about 32, that's a good number."

"You're not a savant at math, are you?"

"Oh, is three plus twenty eight not thirty two?"

"It's not that simple. What hemisphere where you in during this summer?"

"One with less eggheads."

"Wonderful. You should write a book."

Fluffy started to clean a paw with her tongue. "Ever thought about having children?"

"What..?"

"Your tiny mind can't comprehend the question? Let me simplify. When two creatures of opposite gender love each other very much..."

"Please spare me the details. I am educated on the subject. Do you have any social filter, charr?"

"Meh, I just say things and deal with the consequences later. Honesty is the best policy, don't you agree?"

"Why do keep asking questions?"

"Oh, dodging the question with another. Is that a whispers tactic, my dear?"

Dash stopped her crystal tuning. "The order of whispers is just an urban legend. A myth." Her hand started to slide towards a sword.

"I think not. How do you explain Zojja's miraculous recovery? You didn't use honest magic. I know illusion when I see it. You lied to the arcane. An illusion so strong it became real. An you mentioned sending me to Grenth? Sorry honey bun, asura don't say that kind of stuff. Those who believe in the Six do. Those who follow Lyssa, master of chaos and illusion do. And how do I know all this? I'm a mesmer, for Balthazar's sake! We have a way of knowing what cannot be known." Fluffy was standing, raised to her full hight, her horns scraping the roof of the lab.

"What do you want." Dash spat. Her was sword glowing faintly blue, as were her eyes.

"The blue of Lyssa's waters! Oh and a voice full of venom, like a viper about to strike! It just SHOUTS WHISPERS!" Fluffy found this extremely humorous and started to laugh hysterically.

In one smooth motion Dash grabbed a scepter hanging off the wall and flicked her wrist, sending immobilizing chains at the charr.

"Ah, is that magic Elonian in origin? How are they doing over there guardian!"

She would never admit it, but the charr perplexed her. Mesmers in general were difficult equations to solve, but this charr in particular was starting to scare her. Just yesterday she seemed only slightly more intelligent then most members of the vigil. Now, Fluffy's cunning quite possibly surpassed her own. What was she hiding under that mask of confusing personalities?

"Wouldn't be a shame if your secret identity got out!" Fluffy had a wild look in her eyes. She lurched against the arcane chains and snapped her jaw towards Dash. Dash was concerned that the charr was mentally ill, as she was completely feral looking. "I have a request, agent!" Fluffy's face was unnecessary expressive, like the actress she was. "What does the order know about the dragons?!"

Dash wasn't expecting that. The guardian was anticipating something bookah-ish, relating to power, or wealth or meat.

"You've been hiding something in Elona! Do you know what the searing did to my people! Kralkatorrik's crystalline butt is parked right in your reach and you do nothing! That dragon must pay for its crimes!" Fluffy was practically snarling. Obviously she had some serious hatred for the elder dragon.

"Not just Ascalon was damaged. Asurain kind took quite a blow too. Kralkatorrik killed one of our greatest geniuses-"

As if on que Zojja started to stir.

"Not just one of our greatest geniuses. The greatest. And if we're getting revenge on that monster- I'm in." Zojja called from her makeshift bed. She must have been listening.

"Zojja! Glad to see you're conscious." Dash said kindly. She appeared as rough and insensitive sometimes, but deep down she really had the compassion of a guardian.

Fluffy crossed her arms and looked smug.

"We have a common enemy. You asuraians are the smartest species in Tyria. I think the logical way to proceed shouldn't be too difficult to deduce."

Zojja got on her feet and padded over to the two. "Mesmer, you saved my life. For Snaff, and to a lesser extent for you, I'll fight any dragon."

Fluffy smirked at Dash.

"Are you going to take the whimsical path of adventure and justice, or stay at home like a grumpy old human?"

Dash grumbled. Could she stand Zojja and the mesmer for an extended period of time?

"I'll think about it."

"Excellent." Fluffy snapped for dramatic effect and grinned.

Discord brought her to the college of Synergetics. He was immediately recognized, with mixed reactions. He strutted over to what appeared to be shelves holding crystals. Derpy followed a little ways behind.

A scholar looked up from an extremely complicated diagram of interconnected lines. She scowled upon seeing Discord and strode towards them. "You! Why are you even here!?" The asura interrogated. She was wearing green cloth and had feathers in her long brown hair.

"Ah, Rilla, I appreciate the warm welcome. I'm here because I graduated. You're here because you didn't."

A black jungle cat materialized at her side. "You think you're so clever, but one day your scoundrelous disposition will catch up to you. I have seen it in the alchemy. Unlike you, the eternal alchemy does not lie." She was seething.

"This, Derpy, is jealousy in it's purest form." Discord gestured towards the asura with disdain.

"Derpy, what a fitting name for an associate of HIM."

Derpy wasn't going to listen to them bicker all day. That was one thing she missed about the Citadel, arguments were quickly resolved by combat. Here the loser of a disagreement died of old age, instead of in a gladiatorial battle.

"What are you talking about?"

"Discord cheated his way through the College of Synergetics!"

"She's jealous 'cause I'm the superior ranger!"

"Are not!"

"Am too!"

Derpy facepalmed. "How about we settle this with a duel."

"Excelsior! I challenge you to a game of polymock!" Discord pointed at Rilla, his ears standing straight up.

"The arena was closed half a century ago, genius."

"The asura gate is a quick fix for one of my intellect. All I need are a few arcane crystals-" He waved his hand at the glowing objects on the shelves- "and of course my gilded meta-spectral frequency discombobulator."

"So you come crawling back to school for the sole purpose of breaking the law. Why am I not surprised. Still, I accept the challenge. And between you and me, I've always wanted to go down there."

"Terrific. C'mon Derpy, you get to watch me crush this fool and experience one of the most exciting aspects of your culture!"

Derpy followed the pair on the journey to the mysterious, illicit and dangerous polymock arena.

Fluffy, Zojja and Dash were looking at a map of Tyria. Fluffy was ready to change headfirst into the ancient crystalline dragon, but the asurains were a bit more skeptical.

"Ahh, look at us, just like old times, ehh Zojja?" Fluffy nudged the elementalist.

Zojja shrugged. "Should I recognize you from my past?"

"No, I mean, like we're the new Destiny's Edge! We've got you, the Destiny's Edge expert, me, the honoured mesmer of boundless intelligence, and the guardian who always has perfect hair! All we need is ranger, a tree hugger, and a redhead from the Citadel..."

"You had better shut up right now or I'll melt your horns off!" Apparently discussing her past brought back Zojja's bad memories.

Dash furrowed her brow. (Asuraians may not have eyebrows, but the musles in their face remain the same as a human's. Or at least that's my headcannon.) "Fluffy, say that again."

"WHAT! Why-" Zojja was definitely not pleased with the history lesson.

"Well, for us to be Destiny's Edge, we need me, the mesmer; Zojja, self-explanatory; you, the guardian; a ranger; a tree hugger thief, and a charr redhead of any charr looking fighting style. 'Cause I'm not really sure if Rytlock is like a warrior, or a thief, since he sorta fights like a warrior, but he uses a pistol, engineer perhaps? An Snaff was like sorta an engineer too, 'coz, you know, he did all that building and junk? But he did mind-wrestle a dragon, and that sounds pretty mesmery to me. You knew him well Zojja, what do you think?"

Fluffy realized her mistake in mentioning the deceased genius to Zojja way too late. The elementalist was encased in crackling lightning.

"We ARE NOT recruiting a ranger, we ARE NOT going to ally with any traitorous guardians, we ARE NOT not going to recreate the disaster that was Destiny's Edge, and YOU ARE NOT GOING TO REPLACE SNAFF!"

Realization sparked in Dash's mind and she took advantage of the conflict to sneak away. She got out of the lab without difficulty and started to gallop towards the Rata Sum. Perhaps Zojja and Fluffy's strong personalities could therapeutically assist each other. It didn't really matter to Dash if the two got along or not, at least not in the moment. They were not her problem. She was on a mission, and it felt great. Dash had never been the talking type anyways.

When Dash was at Rata Sum, she immediately started to stalk her prey. She headed to one of her favorite places- the College of Statics. Everyone here was logical and sensible. She approached one of her old professors and asked him sweetly if he had seen an asura male with gray skin, a white blaze on his forehead, cream colored eyes and brown hair that stuck up in a somewhat ridiculous hairstyle. He said no, so she repeated the question to everyone else whom she recognized. Mostly older professors and a few students who were in her class. There answers were consistently disappointing. She was about to leave when an alarm caught her attention. Dash and a few other asura crowded around the blaring apparatus.

"Warning- Statics Union Under Attack. Polymock Gate Compromised." A robotic voice crackled. Finally some excitement.

"I'll go investigate!" Dash volunteered. Being the respected graduate she was, no one argued. She sprinted down the ramp to the lower level, nearly slipping a few times. The Statics union was mostly obscured in a cloud of smoke. Dash knew the location of the portal by heart, so she closed her eyes, held her breath and ran towards it. She opened her eyes just in time to see pink tail feathers disappear in to the purple glow. What a surprise. She jumped through just in time.

The guardian's feet hit hard stone. Discord opened his arms. "Welcome to the place where champions are made!" Dash evaluated her situation. Derpy was looking thoughtful, and Discord was boasting to another asura she vaguely recognized. She looked up. The massive cube loomed ominously above them. The polymock arena had a creepy forgotten feel to it. Massive vines grew through crumbling walls. Why was this place neglected for so long? There had to be a reason. Dash started to feel uneasy.

"Before we begin, I must ensure we are not followed." Discord pulled a crystal from a compartment in the side of the gate. It powered down. He tucked the crystal in a pouch. Now there was no easy way out. "Ah, Dash, I see you couldn't resist the alluring call of the forbidden fruit that is polymock! Rilla and I are going to get set up, perhaps you could explain what is happening to Derpy? I'm assuming the charr never taught you how to play." Derpy nodded. Dash settled down next to the engineer. She had a bad feeling about this.

To Be Continued...

Authors Note- wow, fanfic writing is addicting! Too many characters? Not enough? Too much backstory? Not enough? More action? Story moving too slow?

Review and I will love you forever! (I think you all get the point I like reviews, probably should stop begging soon...)


	4. Chapter 4

An Unlikely Krewe pt4

Dash was attempting to explain polymock to Derpy. She honestly didn't completely understand the rules, but was too proud to admit it.

"Each competitor has three pieces. The goal is to kill each other."

"Sounds magnificent."

"It's quite complex. Though the art may appear barbaric to a *cough cough* bookah *cough cough* it requires elegance to succeed. Just watch."

Discord and Rilla were standing at opposite pedestals. Discord cracked his knuckles, Rilla brushed some stray strands of hair behind her ears. Through some fancy looking slight of hand Rilla conjured three small figures resresembling chess pieces in her hands, then tossed them out. Discord whistled and "Rainbow Sparkles" brought three similar pieces in her beak. He placed them in line.

"Ready my dear?" Discord taunted.

"I was born ready you idiot!" Rilla retaliated.

Dash, apparently, was referee. "Begin!" She shouted.

Derpy was not expecting to see a mini Zhaitan fighting a creature of ice and snow, but that's exactly what happened. Waves of undead froze in blizzards. The ice elemental started to freeze the ground at Zhaitan's feet, but he effortlessly flapped above the frost. Snow started to fall harder and harder on him, sticking to his wings and weighing him down. Zhaitan let out a mighty roar just before falling into a heap of snow. The temperature around the dragon was rappidly dropping, and apparently elder dragons could get frostbite. But in the end, the ice elemental's blizzard couldn't defeat the dragon, as Zhaitan, taking advantage of the fact that the elemental was focused on him, summoned a flock of undead chickens. The chickens were inexplicably powerful and crammed their beaks into any cracks in the ice elemental. The creature shattered and a hypothermic Zhaitan growled triumphantly.

Derpy had been so focused on the match that she hadn't noticed that Discord and Rilla had actually become their pieces. The beasts dissolved and Discord and Rilla were standing in their respective places. Rilla shivered momentarily and Discord was brushing off his leather armor. Rilla had won.

"A Zhaitan piece! Where did that even come from?!" Discord was outraged.

"I got a necromancer drunk enough that he failed horribly against me. I shouldn't have won, but luck was in my favor and I swiped his piece."

"Alright, but the hypothermia would have killed your dragon moments after myself. You can't use it next round."

"Fine, fine."

Discord was armed with something Derpy didn't recognize. Rilla's piece was blubbery and much less intimidating.

Dash stood up. "Ready- begin!" Then she perched near Derpy.

Discord became a huge disturbing humanoid with black feathers sprouting from its back. Rilla became an extremely creepy deformed quaggan. A raging quaggan.

Discord retreated upon seeing Rilla. "I hate quaggans!"

"I despise mursaat!" She replied.

Rilla slashed at him, leaving marks in his strange mursaat skin. He writhed and sent beams of light from his fingertips. They appeared to harm the quaggan, but it was not enough. She rammed her armored head into the mursaat, knocking him over. She started to claw and bite at Discord. He had used his magic to ward off the blunt of her attacks, while Rilla came to realize she had been magically cursed. Agony filled her and left her helpless, a raging quaggan roar fading to a whimper. She collapsed, her quaggan body fading; leaving a messy looking mass of brown and blond hair. Discord's match. Rilla scrambled up, testing all her limbs to ensure they remained functional. Discord was still sitting, looking dazed.

Rilla glared at him. "Look who used an unfair advantage once again. Seriously!? Spectral Agony? That can't be legal."

Discord sighed and stood up "Isn't it ironic you decide to discuss what's legal and what's not while trespassing on forbidden land? You fought pretty exceptionally well against a godly mursaat anyways. I'll be having nightmares for awhile, if that makes you happy."

"I suppose it's a consolation prize."

Dash whistled to get their attention. "Final match! Winner takes all! Even though no concrete reward was actually established..."

"Ah, shut up Statics, not everything has to be set in stone to be important." Discord rolled his eyes.

"Synergetics." Dash mumbled.

For the final match, Discord took the form of a Flame Legion shaman. The sight put Derpy on edge. Dash, being tense herself, scooted closer to the engineer. They both suffered from some paranoia, and Dash's guardian instincts told her- helping others will help herself. Her hard shell cracked, and she squeezed Derpy's hand.

"You okay? Derpy asked.

"It's too quiet. Something terrible is going to happen."

Derpy looked up. Rilla had taken the form of a very familiar grumpy-puss.

"A Zojja polymock piece?" Discord sounded impressed. His voice sounded strange coming from a flaming charr.

"Just finished it. I still have a few bugs to work out though."

"Using a brand new piece? Are you even taking this match seriously?"

"A sexy genius like me doesn't need to take this seriously." She attempted to toss her hair behind one shoulder, but was stopped by Zojja'a complete lack of the stuff. Discord laughed out loud.

They moved to their respective places. "Begin!" Dash called.

Zojja used her signature move; lightning. Lots of it. The shaman fought back using meteors. Things were looking about even, until Rilla got hit directly with a medium sized hunk of rock. She conjured a geyser of healing water at her feet, and the rejuvenating waters worked their magic. Things took a dark turn though, when Discord stated to boil the water. She screamed and started to bounce between feet, creating twistedly humorous results. Discord smashed a huge lava rock down on a distracted Zojja/Rilla, resulting in devastating injuries and therefore ending the match. Zojja vanished, and Rilla reappeared. She coughed and leaped back to her feet. The fire and fur peeled off Discord, leaving a triumphant looking ranger.

"I have claimed my victory, and have won the bragging rights of superior ranger!"

Rilla smiled wickedly. She pulled two revolvers from under her cloak.

"Guess who's Tyria's best theif."

Dash was whispering to Derpy. She had found something curious (and somewhat obvious).

"What do you know about Destiny's Edge?"

"They're a guild of heroes, and they fight dragons. Err, Rytlock was a member."

"In Destiny's Edge, there was a slyvari thief; a charr warrior; a human guardian; a norn ranger; an asura elementalist and an asura mesmer. Compare classes with our krewe."

"Well, we have a guardian, Zojja, a mesmer and a ranger, but what about a warrior and a thief? I think you're making connections that aren't really there." Derpy wasn't sure where she was going with this. She just moved across the content, was it unreasonable to ask for at least a week without any long involved voyages?

Dash pursed her lips. The engineer was right. Perhaps she could argue that Rytlock and Derpy filled the same role, but what about a thief? Had the order of whispers turned her into a conspiracy theorist?"

They heard gunshots and the two whipped their heads towards the noise. Rilla had a pistol in each hand and was firing towards the sky, jumping and laughing.

"There's our thief."

Derpy was skeptical. "What? She could be an engineer."

"Nah, she's too good looking. Engineers never go anywhere without a dirty hobosack and a greasy rag."

Derpy put her ears back like any angry cat and glared. Dash giggled.

"What? It's true!"

Discord sauntered up. "Since we have already broken the law to get down here, Rilla and I have decided to put our differences aside to combat a common enemy. The peacemakers."

Derpy and Dash looked at each other. "That's a terrible idea." Derpy informed.

"Aye, you could be correct, but you must gather the facts before jumping to conclusions.I think some backstory would be informative."

Rilla's green eyes met Derpy's. "I'm a year younger. He joined the college of Synergetics a year before me. We were both rangers at the time, a rare profession for the asura. We happened to both be interested in similar aspects of the alchemy; inter-species telepathy. Due to the lack of research in the area, Discord spent about an hour writing what was common knowledge to rangers regarding pet communication and enthralled the whole college. Lucky fink graduated with his own laboratory and copyright over the most widely used method of animal taming in Tyria." The jealousy was obvious in her voice.

Discord cleared his throat. "I left the college with a bachelor's degree to go do more exciting things." He winked at the guardian and engineer. "Rilla stayed, but went astray from her original plan of studying her pet's mind. Rilla was drawn to the slyvari, not unusual among rangers. Still being fascinated with connections, Rilla linked the slyvari to the alchemy. And that's when things got rather prophetic. I'll let her explain."

"The slyvari- they're here for a reason. They're powerful creatures, capable of incredible compassion and destruction within weeks of birth. They are also heavily tied in with destiny, fate and the alchemy itself. They have a certain purpose in Tyria, but I don't know if it's good or evil or somewhere in between. It's all fuzzy, muddled, uncertain." She shook her head. "But I do know it involves dragons, and I do know that the arcane eye have been sabotaging my work. That's why I've been in college so long, dodging death threats from our own government. Slows down progress substantially."

"So all it took was a game of polymock and you two are cool again?" Derpy questioned.

"Don't underestimate the power of polymock! Our entire history has been shaped by it!" Discord was getting really emotional, shaking his fist. Derpy raised an eyebrow.

"Perhaps that was an exaggeration." Discord looked sheepish for a moment. "But polymock was one of our first positive interactions with the beings of the surface. Had we not kept the charr busy with that challenge, they may have turned to a different challenge; for example attempting to exterminate us."

"Polymock otaku." Dash snarked.

"Don't you start with the Cantha hoo-ha words."

Derpy wasn't content with the story. "Why are you a thief now? And what do we do about the dragons!?" The elder dragons. All through her upbringing, the dragon loomed like a dark storm on the horizon. She had heard talk, nothing good. She wasn't a child anymore. None of her fluffy mentors could hold her hand. The engineer needed direction, purpose. Apparently, by some insane stroke of luck, in the past day and a half, she had already established decent sized group of intelligent companions and a semi-reliable way to obtain food. Food, bed, companionship, then, destiny. Could these dragons be her purpose..?

"I'm no thief!"

"She means the class."

"Oh, 'cause the pistols! They're compact, deadly and easy to use. Discord had stolen my thunder with the ranger thing anyways, so I just carve my own path. I'm just a tree hugging scholar who packs heat." Her panther materialized at her feet. "Oh, and I have a pet, of course. Really, I'm like a sylvari theif. Natural by, err, nature, thief in battle." She nuzzled the cat, and Dash's ears perked up.

"Well we need a plan... where do we go from here?" Dash's eyes shifted back and forth. There probably wasn't a safe place in Tyria to discuss overthrowing the peacemakers, but under the Rata Sum seemed like one of the worst options.

"Let's swim to the docks and come up through there. Everyone's so busy with this gate curfluffle that they won't suspect a thing." Discord was confident in his plan, but Derpy was quick to shoot it down.

"We need disguises."

"I have some friends by the docks that can help with that."

"Can Dash swim? Look at her armor, it's probably about as heavy as she is."

Everyone turned to Dash, who was staring at the ground, her ears swerving, focusing intently.

"Dash can you-" Discord started.

"DUCK!" Dash interrupted.

The group obeyed, narrowly escaping a volley of darts.

"What the-"

From the foliage there was a smacking sound. It had a slow, condescending rhythm. An asura stepped out, clapping his hands.

Dash didn't waste a moment. She leaped at him with a greatsword, creating a blinding blue flash. Instead of being cleaved in half, the asura was nowhere to be seen.

"Dispatch her." Instructed a low monotone voice from behind. Everyone turned to look, the asura had teleported far behind the action.

"Retreat!" Called the guardian, running backwards. A radiant cobalt shield destroyed a few projectiles from the thick jungle underbrush. Rilla and Discord rushed to her aid, but Derpy hesitated. She was unsure of what was happening, but also wanted to know how that asura had teleported. She didn't know it was possible.

Rilla shot randomly into the forest, and Discord notched an arrow, talking to his moa. Dash created a shelter around them. Instead of helping them, Derpy approached the teleporting asura. She wasn't sure why, but her curiosity was irresistible. He scowled at her, and she pulled the closest thing she had to a weapon from her backpack, the magical torch from the whispers hideout.

"Who are you? What's happening?" Derpy asked. Abandoning her friends to go talk to the enemy- not her smartest move. But before she could proceed, the engineer needed answers.

"I am a genius, and you're being ambushed." He looked bored and rolled his head to one side. She looked at his armor, it glowed with the same red as Teyo's armor. He was inquest. It made logical sense, her krewe hated the inquest, the inquest probably want revenge for the destruction of the Funhouse.

"What do plan on doing with them?" She guestured towards her krewe, but didn't turn around, not wanting to see the state of the battle. She was praying that they were just going to be taken in as prisoners. Why would the inquest waste perfectly healthy test subjects?

"Why should I answer that?"

She thought about this for a moment. Why in the alchemy was she even talking to him? Was she insane?

"Well, if you're going to utilize them in something innovative, perhaps I could assist?" Offering to help? Insane seemed like a definite possibility.

"Hmm a new recruit... tempting. You're a strange one, letting your companions get attacked like this. I like it. My name is Kudu."

"Isn't that a girl's name?" Derpy scoffed.

He wrapped a hand around her neck and squeezed. She choked and coughed but didn't fight. He was testing her. "Daring. Unafraid." He squeezed harder, and she could resist her instincts no longer. Derpy gripped his arm and yanked him off. "Shows restraint. Acts depending on situation. Physically strong." Kudu ignored her gasping for air. "Maybe coming here wasn't a mistake. You have potential. Meet me in the clouds. Hope you're not afraid of heights." He smirked and teleported away. The inquest were evil. She should loathe them. So why did they seem so tempting..?

Discord rolled into Rilla's smoke cloud, talking a breath. There were inquest everywhere, but they couldn't be seen. Perhaps under some kind of stealth? How could he penetrate their cloaking device? Derpy! Could she have a gadget to save the day? He scanned for her and found nothing. He heard a cry of pain, and stepped from the smoke cloud to see who had been hit. Dash was stumbling, blood staining her chest. Rilla tried to support her, but had to retreat, a projectile of somesort nicking her ear. Discord ordered Rainbow Sparkles to protect Dash and started to shoot into the forest. Things were starting to look in the invisible enemy's favor. Where was Derpy! A flicker of light caught his eye. Fire. Suddenly the whole forest exploded in flames, the sudden the heat and light surprising everyone. From the embers he could make out a silhouette of an asura. An asura with inquest armor. Discord readied his bow. He was about to shoot when he saw familiar lavender eyes and brown ears that curled slightly at the tips. Derpy, walking out of a fiery explosion bearing the look of the enemy. She certainly looked- dangerous.

Dash had fallen and everyone clustered around her, Derpy included.

"Derpy, your shoulders are on fire." Discord pointed out.

She looked down. "Oh, look at that." She nonchalantly patted it down with a hand. Discord thought of his own burned and blistering hand. "Why are you sticking your hand into fire!?"

"I happen to like fire."

"So you can't stand on a root yet you willingly char your own flesh? Are you a pyromaniac, by any chance?"

"It's possible. Don't worry though, I only burn things if I have a logical reason to do so."

"Thanks for easing my concerns. I don't mind the occasional wildfire though, miss dangerous. Miss Danger Derpy." He smiled at her. Obviously he hadn't noticed her conversation with Kudu. She felt a pinch of guilt in her stomach. Yet her curiosity hadn't eased up. What had he said again? Look for me in the sky...

"Could you two quit flirting and un-impale me?" Dash snapped.

"I wasn't-"

"We weren't-"

"You have a thing for the derp girl, Ploop! Wow, I don't know you as well as I thought. How long ago was college, anyways?" Rilla wondered outloud.

"C'mon idiots! The inquest probably poisoned this dart, I'll be dead before you do something."

"Sorry, I've spent most of my life in lab. I suppose I could just learn how to save your life through trial and error..." Rilla was completely different once the stress of work faded away. Almost too different, too laidback.

"I'll pass." Dash grunted.

"I don't do well with blood. Or healing. Or ripping objects out of a friend's chest." Discord explained.

"Engi, assistance requested." Derpy bent over her. She had helped wounded soldiers before, in the legions. Of course charr medical procedures were slightly different, but the basics were the same.

She handed her an elixir H. "Drink this." Not in a position to argue, she gulped it down. It tasted like glue, burned her insides and dried out her mouth, but the healing was immediate. Derpy looked at the dart embedded in her chest. She tugged it a little, and Dash struggled not to cry out.

"It's barbed, unfortunately. I don't think I can safely extract it. We should bring you to a proper medic, it's not deep enough to kill you very soon." Why would the inquest not use weapons to kill her instantly? It hit her right in the chest, if the intentions were lethal she would have dropped dead. And barbs? They wanted it to stay embedded for awhile. Which means the dart is doing something that requires time. She was a test subject, probably for a poison of some sort. But test subjects needed to be observed and monitored to extract accurate results. The inquest must be bigger then just a few labs if they plan to keep an eye on her. It was a terrifying thought, the possible numbers of the inquest. Yet with massive numbers, there was massive efficiency.

"Well how do I get to the damn medic!" Dash's breaths were becoming shallow and laboured.

"I can swim to the docks." Discord volunteered.

"You're going to swim away? How would that even help her you coward!" Rilla seemed to be tolerating him a little better, but years of rivalry don't just disappear.

"I happen to be a member of a naval fleet."

"Whatever. I hope you're telling the truth."

He put on a waterbreather and ran into the jungle. There must be water nearby.

Dash closed her eyes and sighed.

"How'd you do the thing is with the fire?" Rilla asked.

"I lit some stolen gunpowder with a stolen torch. Luckily, the inquest were carrying explosives also, and the trees were dry enough to make quite a bonfire." There was still a blaze of fire to one side. The polymock arenas were made of stone and magic, so the three should be safe for a little bit.

"You're more of a thief then me."

Derpy shrugged.

"So where did you acquire a name like Derpy?"

"I was raised by the Iron Legion."

"Seriously?!"

"Yep. My parents died while combating the Flame Legion. I actually only left the citadel, like, 40 hours ago."

"How old were you when your parents died?"

"A week, perhaps? I don't remember any of it."

"So you must have an asuraian name. Provided your parents named you at some point."

"If my warband knew, they never told me."

"The peacemakers may have records. But they're probably kept confidential."

"Are you trying to convince me to help you attack the peacemakers? I don't want them as my enemy."

"You'll change your mind in about a week. The arcane council supports the inquest, you know."

She was about to ask why supporting the inquest was such a bad thing, but she decided against it. The blood feud between her krewe and the inquest was fueled by emotion, not logic. Plus the inquest obviously were not a friendly group. Fluffy, Dash, Yelikk, Zojja, and nearly everyone else she knew in the Rata Sum had a reason to hate them. Yet she couldn't stop thinking about the knowledge they held. This fact scared her more then anything else.

Zojja and Fluffy had their hearts set on killing Kralkatorrik. Zojja thought that though they didn't have Snaff, she had his gollems. And she was hell bent on avenging his death. Fluffy, unlike Zojja, hadn't lost a loved one to the dragon. But she had lost her homeland and her pride in the dragonbrand. In addition to this, Fluffy's greatest hero Almorra Soulkeeper, founder of the Vigil, had lost her entire warband to the dragon. Almorra, once a Blood Legion gladium like herself, rose above the shame to create, in the mesmer's opinion, the most important division in Tyria. The Vigil. In Dash's absence, the pair had decided to go to Ebbonhawke through the Divinity's Reach asura gate. From there, Fluffy was planning on forcing the guardian to show them the whispers route to Elona, where the beast slept. If all went according to plan, they would have Derpy, Dash, Discord, Zojja and Fluffy. Zojja was on the brink of tears every time Snaff was mentioned, but Fluffy was surprisingly comforting. Was it all an act? With mesmers one could never be sure. But Fluffy had helped Zojja when no one else would. That was good enough for her.

Discord was gliding through the water. The area under the Rata Sum was surprisingly wet. To get to the port he may need to go under the city. A favorite hang out for many shady characters. He shook off the dred and forced himself onwards. For Dash, for the mysterious guardian who was always there for him, Discord would face what ever was ahead. He swam under the massive glowing anchors which kept the city floating above the ground. When he got closer to the center under the cube, he could make out illuminated screens and asuraian figures. If it was a whispers base of operation, he probably would know about it. On a screen he saw a familiar symbol. The arcane eye's emblem. Only whispers agents and the arcane council could recognize the symbol. The others who saw it typically didn't get out alive. He had heard rumors about the arcane eye's base being under the Rata Sum. It was kind of the perfect place. Not wanting to be seen, he took a breath and swam a few feet under the surface. His water breather was slightly cracked, but years spent at sea gave him exceptional breath holding capabilities. Soon he was past the secret police. Getting a pirate ship through unnoticed will be much more difficult. Discord arrived at the dock relatively quickly, luckily none of the wildlife had attacked. He pushed himself out of the water, soaking wet. A few asura gave him weird looks, but no one bothered him. He went to the less regulated side of the port. A few of his pirate crew were hanging out around the whispers skiff.

"I need to get on that ship."

A norn woman looked at the other pirates. "Okay."

"No it's not just 'okay'." A charr scolded. "Who are you?"

"Scroola's son. Best ranger in Rata Sum, they call me Discord."

"Well I'm under Scroola's direct orders to protect this ship." The gruff charr responded.

"Well I'm going to save my friend's life. Do you want to explain to my mother how you sat here idle while one of the order's best agents died a slow agonizing death?"

"Bah. Do whatever. Scroola's wrath can't be any worse the standing in the sun guarding this friggen' boat all day."

"Excelcior. All who want a promotion, follow me." The charr, sluggish norn lady and a sylvari followed him in. A human female wearing unnecessarily skimpy armor was chatting with a human blacksmith inside.

"What's an asura doing in here?" The woman sneered.

"We are in the asura capitol." The norn rolled her eyes.

"Don't trust it for a minute. Asura exist just to stab each other in the back."

Discord strutted past them to the uppermost level of the boat.

"I hope you're all armed." Discord tried to pull up an anchor, but was alarmed to find it weighed twice as much as he did. The norn pulled it up effortlessly, and a slightly embarrassed asura walked to this steering wheel.

"Are we ready to depart?" Discord boomed, talking the role of captain.

"Umm, our sails aren't unfurled." The sylvari pointed out. His voice was strong yet timid, and he had that strange accent characteristic of the plant people. Discord wondered for a moment how sylvari voice production even worked.

"Where are we going?" The charr grumbled.

The norn belched. "Why is it so hard to get decent ale here? Do asuraians not drink?"

"We are going... somewhere interesting." Discord started the ship's motor. It was powered by some discarded gollem crystals and a decommissioned charr tank.

"The motor's unsafe. Prototypes regularly explode in testing." The sylvari warned.

"We can all swim, right?" Everyone nodded. "Then death is a very, very low possibility."

"All you asura are insane." The sylvari stated.

"Hold on!" Discord sped up the ship and made headway straight towards the floating cube. He had better get some recognition for style.

"What are you doing!" The charr shouted though seaspray.

"These are highly restricted waters." The sylvari sounded very nervous.

The norn sat back and cheered.

Their ship wasn't enormous but was far from small. The channel narrowed and everyone cringed when they heard a grinding sound. The two humans from downstairs ran up to the deck, looking terrified.

"Get that manic away from the controls!" The woman screeched. Humans. She ran at him. Initially he didn't really care, but then he noted her knife in hand. Crazy lady. Discord snapped the boat to one side, knocking her and everyone else off balance. He also smashed into the bottom of the Rata Sum. If the arcane eye hadn't heard the speeding motor already, they without a doubt had heard the pirates now.

Not only the arcane eye had heard them, but Derpy and Rilla had also detected the screeching and crashing sounds.

"You think that's him?" Derpy asked.

"Judging by the way he drove gollems back in school- definitely."

"Do we bring Dash to the water now?"

"Affirmative. You get the head."

Derpy bent over Dash, gently grasping her arms. She looked almost angelic when she was asleep and relaxed. Derpy could almost convince herself that the guardian was just napping. They lifted her out of a small pool of sticky blood, dyeing the tips of her white hair red.

"She looks so peaceful when she's asleep." Derpy mused.

"I'm not asleep... stupid." Dash rasped.

Under different circumstances Derpy would have laughed at her grumpy response.

"Oh gods, she's so cold.". Rilla was struggling to hold her above the brush.

"Bodies are surprisingly heavy." Derpy nearly tripped on a root.

"That would sound bad out of context."

The walk to the water wasn't too far, but it felt like miles. Once they had trudged all the way to the waters edge, Discord met them, standing proudly on the bow of the ship. His pirate crew escorted them in inside the craft. The bulky charr almost put a hand on Rilla's shoulder, but she whirled around and tried to bite him. She refused to be controlled. The norn woman held Dash like a child. Derpy shuffled with the group, exhausted. Fortunately the damage to the boat was light and the interior was mostly safe. Dash was laid out on a bed. A sylvari looked at her. He pulled on the dart just as Derpy had earlier. He also came to the same conclusion as her.

"Wounds such as these are not a quick fix. Right now I have two options, push it through or pull it out. Both are not recommended. But leaving an arrow in your chest is also unwise." Dash didn't respond.

He looked to Derpy, Rilla and the charr, desperate.

"Push it all the way through. The inquest won't expect it." Derpy suggested.

"The inquest didn't plan on us doing that because it'll kill her!" Rilla was getting frantic.

"Yank it out. A messy wound is better then a deep one." The charr grumbled.

"I don't think I should make the final verdict. I'm only a year old." The plant man said.

Dash stirred slightly. "Dwayna..." She mumbled. The guardian opened an eye. "Divinity's Reach. Bring me to the six. And don't go yanking. I'm... fine..." She wasn't very convincing in telling she was "fine." The charr galloped upwards towards Discord.

"How is she!" Discord elbowed the crazy lady off of him. He was already a lackluster driver, and having a person at least a head taller attempting to take control didn't help. The norn and blacksmith were gone. Probably seasick. The ranger's piloting would set even the most seasoned sailor on edge.

"She said to go to Divinity's Reach. For religious reasons, I think. I thought asura didn't believe in that load of crap, guess I was wrong."

"She's mysterious. And I outrank you, so don't insult my companions."

"So we're going to the human capitol? What will your mother think about us disobeying like this?"

"The asuraian secret police force are quite angry we trespassed and discovered their base. It will be easier for everyone if we get as far away as possible. Hopefully the bounty over our heads doesn't extend to Kryta."

"So we're sailing to Divinity's Reach?"

"Correct. To an extent."

Zojja and Fluffy had just finished shopping in Rata Sum. Things had taken longer than expected, so the pair were eager to set out. They had food, weapons and excitement. Zojja had left a note a the lab. It read: "Dear Derpy, Dash and Discord,

The bookah and I are going to Divinity's Reach. A certain dragon is about to taste justice. Sincerely, Zojja."

Author's Note- I never played gw1 or polymock! I hope I did okay at describing it!


	5. Chapter 5

An Unlikely Krewe pt5

"Kudu..? But how..?"

Derpy had taken a nap in the underbelly of the ship. They were in open water sailing to Lion's Arch. Discord was planning to take them through the asura gate there. Derpy was too tired to argue. Seeking peace in sleep may prove difficult with the inquest's apparent infiltration of her mind, though.

"Dreams are strange locations within the mind. They can be entered with the correct magic. I see you have been swept up with these idiots." Kudu gestured to the pirate crew. She was in the craft, and it was nearly identical to the real life version. What if the dream was real and reality was a dream- nevermind.

"What do you want- and do you spend a lot of time in people's heads? Creep."

"The guardian." He strutted to her and lifted an ear of hers. She didn't move. "Is an experiment. Observe. Analyze. Report your findings A.S.A.P."

"Why- why me? I'm just a gladum with floppy ears."

"You're a military engineer with a mind untainted by the council. You can think like no other asura, because you're a charr at heart. You understand the importance of knowledge and the price it comes with. Science isn't dainty. Neither are you."

Derpy didn't even know how to respond to this.

"And I assume you are aware of the dragons..." He paused and crossed his arms. "The most powerful beings in Tyria. The rest can hide from them, shoot and at them, curse at them. Only a select few can master them."

"Master is a vague term. What are you really gaining from this?"

"That's restricted knowledge. Enlightenment awaits the worthy." He started to vaporize. Derpy woke from her dream and noticed a norn cooking on a stove. Lunchtime?

"What time is it?" Derpy inquired. Her voice trembled slightly. A side effect of having her dreams invaded by Kudu.

"Mid-day." She dropped some dried fish in a pot. "Hungry?"

"Perhaps. Where is everyone else?"

"Everyone's on deck, playing spin the bottle or something. 'Cept the guardian, she's sleeping."

Derpy kicked off her blanket and turned to Dash. Kudu's order to study her prickled Derpy's mind. Her breaths were shallow and her chest was caked in blood. Nothing unexpected. She wandered up to the top of the boat, where, sure enough, the whole crew was sitting around a table. Only the sylvari had escaped their game, he was sitting by the steering wheel, staring at the endless water.

"When's the food coming?" Discord shouted over the din of crashing waves.

Rilla smacked him. "Ask about Dash!"

"If you weren't right I would toss you straight into the sea! Seriously though, is she doing acceptably?"

"She's holding up well considering her condition."

"Great. Now want to come entertain us until we arrive at Lion's Arch?"

"Sure." It was just a simple pirate game, what did she have to lose?

Zojja and Fluffy had used the asura gate to travel to the bustling city of lions and arches.

"Now- to Divinity's Reach!" Zojja had her determined face on.

"Going to Divinity's Reach looking like that? And what will you do if someone recognizes you, baldy?"

"I don't have time for dress-up!"

"I don't have time for Logan and Jennah's 'sorry for indirectly murdering everything you ever cared about' party."

"Why would those pathetic excuses for leaders care about him! Or me! Wisps of lightning hissed around her wrists.

"Politics. I suppose you wouldn't know this, but the Vigil has to handle the occasional squabble between charr and human. If Queen Jennah can look like she cares about the dragon brand without getting her butt off the throne, then she'll do it. And what better way to look good then throw a party for a world renowned hero ready to rise again! She gets to spend money, Logan gets to feel better about your relationship- maybe he'll even ask you to dance! Everyone wins!"

"That's illogical. Why would the charr give a skritt that Jennah threw a party..?"

"I never said she was smart."

Zojja was impressed. Though the charr couldn't calculate a hypotenuse using the Pythagorean theorem, she was a different kind of smart. The kind that Zojja lacked. People smart. Mesmer smart... For some reason this thought brought back searing grief for Snaff. Zojja's ears dropped. Fluffy put a fluffy arm around Zojja, just like she had earlier after Dash ditched. The guardian walking away, the mesmer always being there for her- the similarities between her new krewe and Destiny's Edge were subtitle, but just strong enough to creep the elementalist out a little.

"Watch out Lion's Arch- we're going dress shopping!" Fluffy seemed enthusiastic about the idea but Zojja- not so much.

"Truth or Dare, Discord." The gruff charr asked gruffly.

He hesitated. "Dare."

"I dare you to go ask the vegetable out on a date." The charr pointed at the sylvari.

"Sylvari don't even understand romance! How am I supposed to, err, communicate my intentions?" The tips of Discord's ears were reddening. Derpy was struggling to grasp the point of this awkward activity. Still, it was better then agonizing over Kudu and his band of maniacs.

"Figure it out." The charr stroked his strange fluffy beard.

"We take this to our graves." He walked to the foliated man. Discord sat next to him and slided his hand on top of the sylvari's hand.

"Hello." The sylvari was eyeing him suspiciously.

"Greetings." Discord smiled broadly and looked into his eyes.

"Are you feeling okay?" The sylvari slowly shifted away.

"Never better." The ranger rested his head on the sylvari's arm.

"You behavior is... abnormal." He gently pushed the asura's limp head away.

"Your leaves are stunning in the sunlight." Discord put on an innocent dreamy expression and looked up at the sylvari's face.

The sylvari looked mildly horrified. "Thanks..."

The charr was making snorty sounds in an attempt to contain his laughter.

"He's skilled." Derpy noted.

"Did you know asura have dreams too?" A clawed hand had forced it's way into a leafy one.

"No..." The sylvari was looking for a way to escape.

"Sometimes a destiny so strong is formed, its bends the alchemy itself. It warps the mind, and creates an attractive force. Like magnetism..."

The sylvari started to gesture towards Derpy, the charr, and those two humans. The crazy lady in skimpy armor was being held back by the buff blacksmith. "Help me." He mouthed. Everyone shrugged.

"And if one were to ignore those bonds that are ment to be, years of torment and suffering would ensure. In fact, when an asura ignores their passion, their dream..." Discord wrapped an arm around him in a half hug.

"The asura fall into nightmare, just as the sylvari do. I don't want that to happen..."

He closed his eyes in mock fear and leaned on the sylvari, who was stiff as a board.

"I need you. I need your love..." He even managed a fake tear.

The charr could hold back no longer. He exploded into a barrel-chested laughter. Derpy was both impressed and disturbed.

"Okay..." The sylvari stuttered. "What do you want from me?"

"Meet me tonight, at dusk." He ran a hand through the sylvari's leafy hair. He pushed the ranger away.

"Where?" The sylvari seemed concerned on multiple levels.

"Somewhere in which we can be alone."

"Err... Alright. See you then. I guess."

"I can't wait..." Discord paused. "My Sugar Maple. My Honey Dew. My..." Suddenly he broke character. "My... my... bell pepper..? I can't do this anymore. I quit." He choked out between a combination of laughter and sobbing.

"Are you feeling unwell?" The sylvari had stood up and had pulled back in a defensive manner, ready to run.

"Never speak of this again." Discord walked to the cheering charr, Derpy, and those two humans who didn't seem to have many different facial expressions outside of appalled.

"That was some fine flirting there." The charr smirked, leaning on a huge warhammer.

"Now it's my turn. I will show no mercy. Truth or dare charr."

"Truth."

Discord looked dissatisfied, his plans for forcing the charr to dress like a pole dancer extinguished.

"Derpy, what kind of secrets do charr hold?"

"I don't know, just ask about something embarrassing." Derpy's ears mimicked the eyebrows she lacked.

"How about biggest fail at picking up a charr lady?"

The charr sighed. "Out of thousands of options, you had to pick that. Well I used to be Ash Legion. I wasn't particularly good at spying either. I was often stuck at the bottom of the pecking order, cooking and feeding the cubs. But I had the most beautiful legionare."

He looked distant for a moment. "She was a thief who hardly spoke, except to scream orders. Her name was Teckam DustCloud. Teck had gorgeous eyes, one black and one with a cataract so thick no one could actually tell what color it was. Her horns, more beautiful then I could ever dream of. One stuck straight out and curled at the tip. She often impaled small animals on the end. The other horn was half the size and jagged at the end. It also twisted to the side. I think it had been ran over by an Iron Legion tank somehow. And her fangs so yellow they glowed like a morning sunrise." Discord gave him a confused look. "And her fur, patches of incredible reddish brown mixed with scarred rashy spots where she got burned and refused proper treatment. She used to force me to rub aloe vera on her every morning." The charr smiled slightly at the memory. Derpy and Discord looked at each other. "And her mane, a knotted brown blanket of-"

"Could you hurry up and arrive at the humiliation?" Discord requested impatiently.

"Yes, yes, hold your centaurs asura. I decided it was a great idea to get kidnapped, send her a message, then be rescued and fall into her lovely fluffy arms."

There's probably a reason this charr isn't in the legions anymore, Derpy thought.

"I bribed a friend to take me to the top of the crumbled wall and rub butter all over me while looking threatening. In the dead of night we set out, leaving her a message giving directions to my location. It took all night to scale the wall, but it was worth it, because the view was amazing. I remember seeing her with the rising sun. She even impaled a bluebird on her horn just for me." The humans now shared the same confused expression with the asuraians. "Teck spent an hour and a half meandering around those ancient stones before she reached me. I remember the fire in her eyes. She saw I was in danger, and with burning passion punched my captor right off the edge of the wall. She licked my face, and I knew we would be forever. She bent over me and whispered: 'Why the hell are you covered in butter?' Her breath smelled like rancid chicken and booze, bringing me to my happy place. All I could do is look into her eyes. But then my idiot friend had to ruin the moment. 'Teck, I think you broke all my ribs." The charr said in a mocking voice. "He whimpered from ten feet below. 'Gretop, was this just a stunt for attention?' Her voice was like a truck filled with gravel mowing over a boatload of elderly dredge."

"Your name is Gretop?" Derpy chimed in. She was promptly ignored.

"I wasn't sure what to say to her. Romance has always eluded my grasp. So instead I just spluttered like an idiot. In a nutshell, I was declared unfit for battle and kicked out. That's why I joined the order."

"Well, err, thanks for the exposition." Discord wasn't sure what to think about the peculiar charr.

"You're very welcome, floppy eared egghead. Now let's go eat something."

"Now you talking!" Rilla jumped up.

"So, Gretop, you're 300 pounds of claws, muscle and fangs who was exiled due to a naive romantic fantasy and joined a group of undercover pirates?" Derpy questioned.

He nodded.

"Seems legit."

"How about this one?" Fluffy held up a frilly outfit designed for a young female human.

"NO." Zojja was searching for something feminine in her size. Everything was a little off. Obviously there weren't many tailors working in asuraian fashion.

"Can't I just try to blend in with something shabby in appearance?" Zojja snapped.

"I don't have any money, and unless you want to starve, we need to catch the attention of someone rich. And humans love cute asuraians."

Zojja huffed in agreement. If only she hadn't spent all her gold on the last gollem experiment.

"Ooo, you have to try on this!" Fluffy was admiring a tutu with an extra skimpy top. Humans and their pointless desire to show off as much skin as possible.

"NO."

"Do you want to go hungry?"

Zojja sighed. She hadn't eaten in awhile. And she needed somewhere to sleep...

"Fine. But I won't like it."

"That's a winning attitude! Let's get some matching nail polish, oh, and lip gloss!"

Zojja gritted her teeth. Why did she always get stuck with the crazy ones. Still, the mesmer did know human psychology better then her.

"I hope I can trust you charr."

Derpy was enjoying a mysterious bowl of a mysterious salty fishy liquid. The winds couldn't have been better, and progress was unnaturally fast. They would be at Lion's Arch in a few hours. The rest of the crew were also consuming the broth, minus sylvari had chosen a spot as far away from Discord as he could manage. Rilla and Gretop had swapped pistols and were studying them, Gretop's being charr in design and Rilla's being asuraian. The norn woman was applying face paint. The humans whispered to each other. Dash was quiet aside from the occasional grunt.

Dash's dreams were flashes of power and prophecy. She saw the order of whispers, heard the roar of Zhaitan, and watched a paradise overwhelmed by undead. She could feel the pangs of loss and betrayal, and then came face to face with Kralkatorrik. Scary stuff. Everything faded away to red light and a distinct mechanical buzz. A grinding sound and chemical smells filled her with fear. She was incredibly disoriented. Dash tried to move, but the guardian was paralyzed. Things got blurry, and just before everything stopped she could make out brown ears and lavender eyes. A strikingly familiar face...

Zojja was rather disgusted at the pile of frilly clothing the mesmer was sorting through.

"Won't this cost more then everything we could possibly need in Divinity's Reach?"

"I'm a tailor. And lucky for you, I've been salvaging scraps for quite a while."

Zojja tried to imagine the massive charr manipulating scraps of silk with her claws. "If you're going to make everything then why are we here? We're not going to rob any dress shops, right?" Zojja crossed her arms. "I think your plan is flawed."

Fluffy smiled. "I think not." She dissolved into butterflies.

"Wha-!" Zojja was ensnared in a sack and knocked out.

"I've never been to Divinity's Reach. What's it like?" Derpy asked Discord, trying to block out the gnawing feeling of the inquest and the past two day's events in the Rata Sum. It just occurred to the engineer she was without a home, again. Transitioning from the structure of the Iron Legion to following around some random group of spontaneous individuals wasn't easy. Didn't the peacemakers say something about evaluating her usefulness in society? Derpy started to chew her lip nervously. Yes, back on her first day in the Rata Sum, peacemaker Glyptr mentioned joining a krewe and a collage "provided she showed any intelligence whatsoever." She had been so distracted by everything Derpy had completely forgotten about Glyptr and her original intentions.

"Well Divinity's Reach is home to the richest humans and the poorest. I think the city's purpose is to make the rich feel better about the fact that the entire race is going extinct. Oh and there's shrines and temples everywhere. It's pretty, but really nothing more. I suppose it's more significant to those who pray to the Six. We'll have much more fun in Lion's Arch, I'm sure." The ranger started to casually pick at his teeth.

"Discord..." The coldness in Derpy's voice caught him off guard.

"Yes?"

"You promised me we would see Fluffy tonight."

He put his hands up in defense. "We were ambushed! I was planning on slipping back to the lab in disguise, but then Dash was hurt and-"

"You swore on your left ear."

"I swore we would see her before the night was over."

"I guess you did. But if we don't find her wandering around Lion's Arch then I have ownership of your left ear."

He grabbed his left ear protectively. "Okay..."

Zojja's head was throbbing. She was wet, cold and somewhere deviod of light. The smell of alcohol assulted her senses. She reached for her septer. It was gone. And something else wasn't right...

"Give me a light." That voice. A certain charr mesmer's vocalizations, no doubt.

"Yes ma'am." A curt male responded.

A torch was lit, illuminating a wine cellar. Explosive charr laughter followed.

"I never thought I would see this. Lion's Arch is in for a treat." Fluffy chuckled.

Zojja was horrified by the outfit she was in. "I will kill you all."

"Don't like female light armor? All the best elementalists are wearing it." Fluffy swished her tail.

"You trick me into trusting you, kidnap me, dress me up as a human stripper against my will, and you expect me to 'like' it?" Zojja was seething.

"Dressing as a stripper is how I survived for a few years. I'm just sharing a useful technique for convincing people to like you. Obviously you're not the expert at friend making."

Electricity started to crackle around Zojja.

"Amber, should we be worried that she's sparking." The small human holding the torch asked.

"Nah, its normal. C'mon, Tesla Teaser. That's you're stage name, btw."

"Bee... Tea... Double You?" The human wondered out loud.

Fluffy ruffled his hair. "And that's why you're not in charge. Cheers!" She blinked (for those of you who don't play mesmer, blink is a teleport skill.) away, leaving a cloud of purple butterflies.

"Sorry about this. Amber is a special one." The human looked apologetic.

Why was the alchemy so intent on embarrassing her?

"Let's get this over with." Armed with make-up and painted nails, Zojja strode from the wine cellar as bravely as she could manage.

She was in a bar, no surprise there. Zojja didn't recognize anyone, as she typically didn't associate with these types. Fluffy, who seemed to be one of the few patrons who wasn't a drunk pirate, talked to a sylvari on the far side of the room. The room was unusually shaped, with a curved wooden roof. Almost like an upside down ship. Fluffy turned her amber-orange eyes to Zojja.

"_Ready to see the magic that is human naivety_?"

Zojja turned around, confused. Who had spoken to her?

"_Betcha didn't know mesmers could do this._"

Fluffy was still looking at the elementalist. She flashed her fangs in a grin.

"_I know your emotional knowledge is zilch. So I'm going to telepathically assist._"

Fluffy could get inside her mind!? The only other person Zojja knew that could pull off such a feat...

"_Don't worry, I can't read your thoughts or anything. Wouldn't want to see whatever dark things you hide in there anyways. And telepathy is really exhausting, so you had better convince this rich idiot to feed me."_

Was...

_"See the dude in purple over there? You're going to adress him as 'noble gentleman'. Then you're going to say your boyfriend died in an explosion or something and you need him to reach 'into the kindness of his heart' to help you in your time of need. And look sad about it!"_

Snaff.

Thinking about him still shook her to the core. She could feel that lump in her throat. Moistness in her eyes.

_"You see, I've been infrequently visiting this tavern for quite awhile. This guy is a regular. He has lots of money, a mansion in Divinity's Reach, and a weird thing for cute asura women. So just get all emotional and look weak._"

Now the barrier holding back her Snaff-related feelings started to break. Snaff would always guide her. Fluffy was guiding her just the same. Though Snaff never led her into taverns, the feeling was the same. And Fluffy, in her own curious way, needed Zojja.

For Fluffy. For Snaff. Death to dragons, one step at a time.

"Noble Gentleman! I require your assistance!

The human turned. And the asura in skimpy light armor kept him turned.

"My boyfriend was killed in a tragic explosion, and now I have no where to go! I can't go back to the Rata Sum.." Thinking about Snaff made putting on an emotional show quite easy.

Fluffy butted in with a mental message. "_You sound angry. Sound pitiful_."

Of course being told what to do just made Zojja angrier.

"Why can't you go home, lass?" The human was lanky and in classic swashbuckling attire. A huge purple feather dangled near his face.

Zojja curled her hand into a fist. She belonged in a lab, why was she even here!? For the mesmer. For vengeance.

Fluffy decided to assist. "_Asuraian architecture brings back bad memories. I need to start anew_." Zojja repeated the charr's mental message.

"Don't worry milady, I offer to you, an escape."

"I don't have any money!" Zojja was attempting the helpless little girl act, but her true self still shone through, leaving her half sobbing, half yelling.

"It will be free of charge."

_"That's what I like to hear!_" Fluffy exclaimed within Zojja's mind.

"Oh thank you kind sir!" Zojja almost spat the word "sir" and Fluffy snickered at her mediocre acting.

"Anything for Tyria's smartest." Zojja wasn't sure if he was being nice just because he admired her intelligence. But what alternative motive could he have?

"Could I please bring my pet kitten?" Zojja glanced at Fluffy.

"Of course."

The charr took notice. "_Kitten. You called me a kittening kitten._"

Zojja tuned her out. "Do you have a lab? Are there zoning laws against gollems? Do the Seraph utilize bomb sniffing dogs?

"Aye, how about you just see the place your self? C'mon, it's in Divinity's Reach."

"Just give me a moment to prepare."

Zojja glided over to Fluffy.

"Impressive. I've seen better, but coming from you, t'was impressive." The mesmer spoke out loud this time.

"This is all very suspicious. Why is he giving me all this for free?" Zojja crossed her arms.

"It's quite simple. You're friggen' adorable." Fluffy winked.

Zojja groaned. "Bookahs, all of them. I can't wait to implant my fist into Kralkatorrik's face."

Fluffy looked uncharacteristically wise for a moment. "In due time, Zojja. The joy is in the journey." She punched Zojja lightly in the arm. "Don't take life to seriously. No one gets out alive anyways." Then she downed a flagon of mysterious liquid.

Zojja sighed. Logically, the charr was a reckless idiot whom a genius like herself should have no reason to associate with. In reality, she hadn't had this much excitement since Snaff died.

"Okay Fluffy. I'll try."

Author's Note- I'm kinda making this up as I go along, and I have decided that this takes place about a year before the events of the personal story. So shiny new Lion's Arch and pre-Scarlet drama. Also, the fight against Zhaitan isn't in full swing yet, the Pact hasn't been formed, ect. Hope you enjoyed, and any feedback is appreciated!


End file.
